Three Thoughts Thursday #9 (or is it #10?)

#1—I was walking to the train one day when I passed an elderly dog of indiscernible breed hanging around his front lawn. He was a friendly type---the kind that always has a smile on his face, and I wasn't worried at all walking by him. His owner was on the front porch, just a couple yards away, and he called to his dog in such a gentle, amiable tone that made me smile to myself as I hurried to catch my train. It got me thinking about a quote by Gandhi that says, 'The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.' (Thank you, Google) I think this is true. I then got to thinking about how it is considered inhumane to hit a dog or cat or most animals in this country, but when it comes to hitting a child it's considered discipline.

I suppose the Christians have at least a little bit of something to do with this. One little Bible verse in the book of Proverbs—'Spare the rod, spoil the child' has probably done more to mislead parents regarding appropriate discipline than all the other verses regarding love, gentleness, kindness, mercy and forgiveness combined have done to enlighten them. I know that there are now Christian groups who believe in grace-based discipline and do not believe in spanking. William and Martha Sears, who are often considered the spokespersons for Attachment Parenting, are in fact devout Christians. Still, most folks who grew up in Christian or church-going homes grew up being spanked. I know a lot of folks who were hit as a child say they turned out okay so spanking must not be that bad. To them, I say, you probably turned out okay DESPITE being spanked. I'm sorry, but I personally don't see how the assertion of one's superior physical strength or size over another of inferior strength or size can EVER produce truly positive, long-term effects, such as instilling a sense of SELF-discipline, or the sense of right and wrong that is based on internalized morals and not fear of punishment.

I do believe that parents have the responsibility to guide their children. To me, that is what The Rod in the verse from Proverbs is referring to. Shepherds use their rods to guide their sheep, not to beat them when they stray. I'm no expert on discipline. In fact, it's an area that I really struggle with in our home. I am convinced that rewards and punishments do not work in the long-term, if what I'm looking to do is to teach Cadence self-control and desire to do the right thing, not out of fear of punishment or the desire for a reward but simply because it is the right thing to do.

And yet, I understand why parents spank their kids. When you are being pushed to the limits of your sanity by a scrawny 36 inches weighing less than 30lbs, it can be so easy to just revert to how you were parented. I really think that unless we experience significant internal changes, and unless we equip ourselves with the tools to know better, we just can't help ourselves from becoming our parents. For those who were parented well, this is a blessing. For the rest of us, it's a source of frequent internal and external strife.

I didn't grow up with a lot of physical discipline. However, I do distinctly remember my mom telling me that she wanted to beat the tar out of me (loose translation from the Korean), and I never forgot that. I just hope I never say anything so hurtful to Cadence. It would be as bad as giving her a spanking, I would imagine.

I believe that there is another quote out there about how you can tell a lot about a people by the way they treat their young, their old and their sick or disabled. If there isn't, there should be. All in all, I do believe that our humanity is determined, for better or for worse, by how we treat the weakest, the most vulnerable, the frailest, the most dependent among us.

Which is why Jesus is my hero, even though a lot of the stuff that often comes packaged in Christianity drives me totally nutso. But that's another thought for another (Thurs)day.

#2—On a totally different note, will any of you respect me less if I wear gauchos? I know some folks don't have a problem with it, but others simply cannot stand them. I just can't find anything to wear to the wedding that is comfortable enough for me to move around freely so I can take photos. You see, to get some of the shots I want, I sometimes find myself in awkward positions, and I mean that in the physical realm. I've been known to do things like stand on high places, kneel or get my belly on the ground, and I don't want to be doing all that in a skirt. Gauchos provide a nice in-between. Ted doesn't like them at all, but I can't find another pair of pants that I like. And don't get me started about the top…

#3—Can I just say that I absolutely love Ted's new haircut? I made him go to art+science which is much more pricey than just a barber or Supercuts. I have to say, it's totally worth it. Best of all, he loves it too!

Cadence thinks the haircut is beautiful too. They sure make a good looking pair!

One Thought Thursday--I'm Lazy, What Can I Say?

When I chose to do certain things as a parent that some folks would consider attachment parenting, I have to admit that I didn't have visions of beautiful bonding moments with my child; they were for reasons of convenience and necessity as a working mom. Breastfeeding meant I'd always have food ready to serve without needing to measure, mix or warm up. Extended breastfeeding meant I'd always have a means of calming and comforting instantaneously, not to mention being able to give Cadence—ever the Energizer bunny—the equivalent of a sleeping pill every night. Co-sleeping meant being able to nurse and comfort without having to get up or entirely waking up so that I could actually function during the day and bring home the bacon. Babywearing meant being able to do things around the house and not having to lug a stroller everywhere, the technicalities of which I never fully grasped (I am severely mechanically challenged). If these things promoted attachment between Cadence and me, well that was an added bonus.

As she grew older, however, I wondered if my laziness had set us up for disaster. I mean, would Cadence EVER stop nursing during the night, with a midnight snack just inches from her face? Would she EVER learn to put herself to sleep without the sleep-inducing hormones in a nightcap on tap from mama's boob? Would she EVER wean herself, if we let HER decide when she was ready? Would she EVER be able to sleep by herself in her own bed without a warm body next to her?

It seems to me that the answer to all these questions is YES. She has already stopped nursing during the night for the most part through no effort of my own. Sometimes she stirs, but she usually just settles herself and sleeps through the night until after I've already left for work. She has also started getting in bed and putting herself to sleep for naptimes, but only with Ted. I don't try to force her to do it with me too because I get to put her down for naps only three days a week. But at least I know that she CAN do it. She obviously hasn't weaned yet, but I know she will someday. Now that she's cut out her pre-dawn session, she only nurses twice a day as it is.

As for sleeping in her own bed, I am personally skeptical of the notion that a child should be expected to sleep alone so early in life. I remember sleeping with my grandmother while my brother slept with my parents until I was at least 5 years old. For thousands of years, humans slept together in one family bed, so I think babies are hard-wired to want to be close to a warm body, probably as a built-in safety feature. I believe that humans are highly adaptable and therefore have learned to sleep alone from infancy during the last 100 years or so (at least in the Western world). However, I don't expect this of my own child, because I know her personality. Some babies are great in their own cribs and beds from the get-go. Others can gradually become accustomed to sleeping alone. Cadence happens to fall into the camp that requires a little more coziness during the night. Maybe it's because I am away from her so much during the day. Maybe it's just how she's hardwired. At any rate, co-sleeping gives me the opportunity to be in close contact with her for at least 7 hours during the night, and although we may be asleep through most of it, in our dreamy state, we soak in each other's presence and touch, and it diminishes the sadness of being separated for 10-11 hours during the day. Of course there are nights when I just wish I could sleep unencumbered all alone in a nice big soft bed. Overall, though, it's so worth it.

Three (Wee) Thoughts Thursday #8

#1--I think I've got photographer's block. As much as I love my new camera(s), I haven't been feeling all that inspired lately to take photos. And you know what? I'm kinda tired of taking photos of Cadence.

I mean, yeah, she's really cute and all, and it's not that I'm tired of HER (well, ok, sometimes I am). I just don't know if a kid actually needs that many photos taken of them. I'm not going to stop taking photos of Cadence, but I'll probably take less than I have been. And I'm hoping I'll gain a little inspiration to take photos of other stuff.

#2--I am totally digging the music of Feist these days. Oh Em Gee. Listening to her sing can feel like swimming in liquid chocolate one moment and then like having a screwdriver boring a hole through your heart the next. Totally hot stuff. Other bands I'm listening to are The New Pornagraphers, The Blow, Kings of Convenience, Grizzly Bear, and The Sea and Cake

#3--So we've already gotten through a month of summer. Goodness gracious, time is just whizzing by, and I feel like I barely have time to catch my breath. The end of summer will signal the arrival of Cadence's 3rd birthday. I better get ready to sing Happy Birthday over and over and over again, cuz she LOVES singing that song. I heard her singing Happy Birthday to her chair the other day, that's how much she loves that song.

And here's another random photo:

Three Thoughts Thursday--This Hiatus Brought To You By A Flippin' Migraine

That's right. I've got a migraine. Hopefully the cafe au lait Ted made me, in combo w/ some pain killers, will chase it away. I think it's due to some intense studying I've been doing for a work-related exam I'm taking on Friday. If anyone has any wisdom to impart on Base Pay Structures, please send 'em my way.

So instead of sharing my deep thoughts, I am participating in Tracey's Thursday Theme, which is HEAT, something a good portion of our country has been experiencing in waves lately. Things have cooled down in our neck of the woods the past couple of days, but Sunday was a scorcher. I thought it would be a good idea to cool Cadence off with some water play. Unfortunately, I was too lazy to run out to actually buy a bonafide kiddie pool.

Luckily, we had just the right sized storage container that could do the job. It was perfect for Cadence and some of her rubber friends.

Cadence liked her "swimming pool" just fine.

There was lots of splashing going on, fer sure.

She liked it so much, in fact, that she got quite pruny.

Go see how other folks are dealling w/ the heat on Tracey's Picture This.

Three Thoughts Thursday #7

#1—I recently celebrated a semi-milestone birthday, which has forced me to contemplate my aging process. I have to say, if there's one thing my mom has done well, it's to age gracefully. At the age of 65, she still has only a few stray gray hairs here and there, and her face lacks but a few wrinkles. In the past year, I have come to grips with the fact that my hair is in fact starting to gray. This wouldn't be so bad if my hair were a lighter color, but when you've got black hair, it's really hard to miss. Just this morning, when I looked in the mirror, I was horrified to find that a few strands had gone white totally overnight. Like, how is that even possible?

Different people have different ways of dealing with their deviant strands. Me? I pluck those suckers right out of my scalp as fast as I can. Luckily, I haven't found too many so far. And yet, I know I'll have to make a decision as to what I'm gonna do about the gray once these ghost strands become too numerous for me to keep up with. The thing is, I don't want to dye my hair. My dad stopped dying his later in life, and he had a lovely head of silvery moonbeam hair. I actually wouldn't mind having that. I just hope it's not at the age of 35. Anyhoo, I don't know what to do in the interim. If I dyed my hair, I'd want to dye it a totally different color, like cobalt blue or magenta. Something tells me that wouldn't go over so well at my place of gainful employment...

#2—It seems to me that a lot of newish parents these days fret over the size of their babies and toddlers, especially if they're on the smallish side. It doesn't help that the growth charts published in every parenting book and exhibited by pediatricians across the country don't take into account factors such as whether the children were formula-fed or breastfed or the genetic makeup inherited from the parents. Cadence has been falling off the charts weight-wise for some time now, and if it weren't for those pesky charts, I probably wouldn't stress out so much over her eating habits. The fact is, she's happy, playful, strong and active. If you look at her, the word "malnourished" would never enter your mind. Still, I wish she'd eat actual meals more than a couple times a week.

Speaking of small, I finally got to meet my friends Zarah and Felix's newborn son Asher yesterday. He is tiny at just over 5lbs (after losing some of his birthweight like all newborns) but is just about the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Granted, I only saw him while he was slumbering, but I'm sure he's just as beautiful awake. I absolutely love the way newborns look and smell and feel in your arms. Even my cousin's Baby Eden, who's now a whopping 4 months old, feels so small and light compared to Cadence, who herself is still light enough to carry with one arm.

*Sigh*. Here's a photo of Cadence from the archives, when she was really little. Can you tell I have just an eensy-teensie bit of baby fever? I'll get over it soon enough, though, before it's too late. Although this would be the perfect time for me to get pregnant…My work usually slows down for mid-spring/early summer, which would be just around 40 weeks from now. Hmmm…

Alright, moving right along...

#3—I know that my affinity for used/vintage clothing is obvious in the way I dress Cadence. Well, what's even better than used/vintage is used/vintage hand-me-downs from people I love. That's exactly what Cadence is wearing in this photo. The shirt and shorts were her Auntie Lauren's way back in the 80's. Ted's mom made the shorts, and she spruced up the shirt with the lace/ribbon trim.

I wish my mom had kept some of my clothes from girlhood. There was this one Snoopy shirt which I can guarantee never existed in the U.S. And then there was that white dress with the floral apron that I absolutely adored. I guess we could only take so much on the plane when we moved here from Korea, but still...It apparently never occurred to my mom to save any of my stuff, even my hanboks. She expressed surprise that Ted's mom had kept Lauren's clothese all these years. This is coming from someone who saved every one of my report cards from grammar school. Oh well.