When I chose to do certain things as a parent that some folks would consider attachment parenting, I have to admit that I didn't have visions of beautiful bonding moments with my child; they were for reasons of convenience and necessity as a working mom. Breastfeeding meant I'd always have food ready to serve without needing to measure, mix or warm up. Extended breastfeeding meant I'd always have a means of calming and comforting instantaneously, not to mention being able to give Cadence—ever the Energizer bunny—the equivalent of a sleeping pill every night. Co-sleeping meant being able to nurse and comfort without having to get up or entirely waking up so that I could actually function during the day and bring home the bacon. Babywearing meant being able to do things around the house and not having to lug a stroller everywhere, the technicalities of which I never fully grasped (I am severely mechanically challenged). If these things promoted attachment between Cadence and me, well that was an added bonus.
As she grew older, however, I wondered if my laziness had set us up for disaster. I mean, would Cadence EVER stop nursing during the night, with a midnight snack just inches from her face? Would she EVER learn to put herself to sleep without the sleep-inducing hormones in a nightcap on tap from mama's boob? Would she EVER wean herself, if we let HER decide when she was ready? Would she EVER be able to sleep by herself in her own bed without a warm body next to her?
It seems to me that the answer to all these questions is YES. She has already stopped nursing during the night for the most part through no effort of my own. Sometimes she stirs, but she usually just settles herself and sleeps through the night until after I've already left for work. She has also started getting in bed and putting herself to sleep for naptimes, but only with Ted. I don't try to force her to do it with me too because I get to put her down for naps only three days a week. But at least I know that she CAN do it. She obviously hasn't weaned yet, but I know she will someday. Now that she's cut out her pre-dawn session, she only nurses twice a day as it is.
As for sleeping in her own bed, I am personally skeptical of the notion that a child should be expected to sleep alone so early in life. I remember sleeping with my grandmother while my brother slept with my parents until I was at least 5 years old. For thousands of years, humans slept together in one family bed, so I think babies are hard-wired to want to be close to a warm body, probably as a built-in safety feature. I believe that humans are highly adaptable and therefore have learned to sleep alone from infancy during the last 100 years or so (at least in the Western world). However, I don't expect this of my own child, because I know her personality. Some babies are great in their own cribs and beds from the get-go. Others can gradually become accustomed to sleeping alone. Cadence happens to fall into the camp that requires a little more coziness during the night. Maybe it's because I am away from her so much during the day. Maybe it's just how she's hardwired. At any rate, co-sleeping gives me the opportunity to be in close contact with her for at least 7 hours during the night, and although we may be asleep through most of it, in our dreamy state, we soak in each other's presence and touch, and it diminishes the sadness of being separated for 10-11 hours during the day. Of course there are nights when I just wish I could sleep unencumbered all alone in a nice big soft bed. Overall, though, it's so worth it.
Thursday, November 1, 2007 at 9:08AM 
