Public Service Announcement: This Blog Is Moving

Well, maybe. We'll see. I'm working on it right now. I'm targeting 1/1/2008 for the big move. If you want to be notified of the new URL when the time comes, send me an email to sarah[at]sarahjanerhee[dot]com with "Don't Leave Me Hanging" as the subject. If you are a lurker, please don't be shy. Oh, who am I kidding. If you're too shy to delurk, just check out Tracey's Picture This on the first Monday of the New Year (which is New Year's Day) and you will find me somewhere in the comments. Since it's not so much that I'm worried about someone stalking me or my family as I am about future potential employers finding this site, I really don't care if everyone who's reading this now figures out how to find my new domain. I just want to be a little more guarded in the future in case I ever change companies and since Cadence is getting older.

I was going to move this blog to WordPress, but for the life of me, I can't figure out how to transfer all my posts, not to mention my comments. So instead, I'm going to just switch the URL on Blogger and pray that everything transfers over properly. If anyone has experience doing this, I'd appreciate any advice you may have.

Best Shot(s) Monday--First Snow of the Season

Well, Cadence kept telling me that when all the leaves fell off the branches, that the snow would come. Looks like she was right. We were totally taken off guard when we exited the Seeds of Change marketplace at church on Saturday afternoon.

It's too bad it only lasted all of three hours when the freezing rain and sleet started coming down and turned everything into slush and ice before it all melted away during the night.

That's okay, though. Even though we enjoyed it for only a few minutes before we had to get in the car to pick up Ted from work, the looks of total glee and wonderment on Cadence's face were so worth it.

Go visit other folks' best shots on Tracey's Picture This.

Seeds of Change

Our church, Berry UMC, is part of the Chicago Fair Trade coalition, and yesterday was our semi-annual Seeds of Change marketplace, a fair for local artisans to sell their products as well as other fair trade vendors to sell goods from around the world.

There were also performances during the event, including WNEP Theater's Soireé DADA. Cadence was a bit puzzled and quite captivated by the trio of white-faced decked out DADAists walking, dancing, singing, shouting and otherwise soireé-ing around customers and vendors alike.

This is whole different take on DADA than what we're used to in our family, where DADA generally refers to TED.

Anyhoo, it was a very enjoyable day, and there seemed to be a pretty good-sized turnout, despite the snowy then rainy weather. Our friends Jenn and John and Ada showed up too, so Cadence had someone to play with for a couple hours. I found some really cool ornaments made by a woman named Erin (I think) who used scraps of clothes she didn't want anymore. It's got me thinking I'd like to do some stitching of my own. We're hoping to get a Christmas tree this year, so we'll be needing some ornanments. It'll be Cadence's first tree, and I think she's gonna love it, considering one of her favorite books is about these teddy bears who go and find a Christmas tree, bring it home and decorate it.

I didn't have a Christmas tree growing up because my dad believed that it was a pagan symbol. I was always embarrassed that our family was so different, and I knew some of my classmates thought I was weird. I guess that's why I want so much for our family to have a Christmas tree. I want Cadence to have memories of going to a tree farm and picking a tree, of playing Sufjan's Songs for Christmas while decorating the tree, of making our own ornaments and decorations for the tree. You know--normal, wholesome memories.

I guess you could say I'm planting my own little seeds of change in my family.

This One's for Modrá J.

This little photo is for Modrá J. He'll understand. No one else has to.

"Now--here is my secret: I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God--that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

I walk deeper and deeper into the rushing water. My testicles pull up into myself. the water enters my belly button and it freezes my chest, my arms, my neck. It reaches my nouth, my nose, my ears and the roar is so loud--this roar, this clapping of hands.

These hands--the hands that heal; the hands that hold; the hands we desire because they are better than desire.

I submerge myself in the pool completely. I grab my knees and I forget gravity and I float within the pool and yet, even here, I hear the roar of water, the roar of clapping hands.

These hands--the hands that care, the hands that mold; the hands that touch the lips, the lips that speak the words--the words that tell us we are whole."--From Life After God by Douglas Coupland, 1994.

(I've had this post as a draft from Sept. 30th. I thought now would be a good time to post it. I added the quote today because I had just reread it a couple days ago, and I love that passage so very much. It's part of my unraveling, just a little bit. Know that you are loved, Modrá.)

More Ramblings

Burn-out. Isolation. Disengagement. Apathy. Complacency. Hopelessness. These are a few things I've been feeling from time to time. It's something I'm sure everybody deals with at some point. I just feel like there's something more to what's going on in my head and my heart lately than I'm fully able to grasp in the conscious realm (not to sound all mystical or anything).

For the past few years, I've felt that it was enough just to be a mom and to pay the bills. Both roles take up an inordinate amount of time and energy, that's for sure. Lately, though, I feel like I need to BE more. I don't really get it, but it's a feeling of needing to grow and stretch myself in ways I've been avoiding out of fear and laziness.

We're all broken in one way or numerous ways, and like anyone else, I'm looking for wholeness. I've avoided thinking about my broken parts and pieces for a long time, but they haven't fixed themselves, it seems, during my time of ignoring them. I've always had this need to keep myself together out of fear of totally falling apart. I'm still scared of that, but I think I can let myself unravel just a bit and see what happens.

Seriously, I'm just rambling here...It's Friday. I need a little grace.