buses, farmers, beer and friends

I'm emerging from a very busy weekend, and I can't get my brain to produce a coherent post because I'm still somewhat discombobulated. I think I'll have to resort to bullet points.

Saturday

* Cadence and I took the Metra to our church for the Fair Trade Market. Berry (our church) is a member of the Chicago Committee on Fair Trade, and we host one of these markets at least a couple times a year. Most of the folks volunteering at the booths were folks we know from church, so I felt comfortable letting Cadence just roam around while I shopped and visited with folks. To me, that's a clear sign that I'm feeling more at home at Berry.

* We took the Lawrence bus and Clark bus back home. Luckily, I had brought a sling, and Cadence fell asleep snuggled against my chest while we were waiting for the bus. This is the 3rd weekend in a row that Cadence and I have taken public transportation, and while I was standing on the corner of Lawrence and Clark, holding Cadence close to me, I thought about how meditative the act of waiting for a bus or train can be. You get to see the world around you, standing in one spot, letting it soak in, as opposed to zooming by a blur at XX mph. It's been liberating to not feel confined to our home just because I don't have the car on Saturdays. There are so many places we can go, and it all starts with a 2 minute walk to our bus stop.

* Saturday evening, Ted, his brother Dave, Cadence and I attended a potluck/presentation at church with our Community Supported Agriculture provider. CSA links local farmers with consumers who can buy subscriptions for a delivery of fresh, in-season produce on a weekly basis. This provides the farmers with a somewhat reliable source of income, and it gives the people in the communities a chance to develop a relationship with the people who grow their food. Tony Ends, the owner of Scotch Hill Farm and Executive Director for the organization Churches' Center for Land and People (CCLP), talked to us about the philosophy and practices behind CSA. He is an articulate, passionate speaker, and we were all moved by what he had to say. Ted, Dave, Dave's fiancé Becki and I are going to share a CSA subscription this summer. We hope the weekly delivery of fresh produce, grown with so much respect for the earth and for humanity, will encourage us to cook meals together with that food and increase the community amongst ourselves.

Sunday

* My new friend Holly visited our church with her breathtakingly beautiful almost-2-year-old daughter Helena. If I told you all the coinkidinks that tie Holly and me together, you would freak out. Go read her blog. She is awesome.

* Ted and Dave painted our living room all day Sunday. I rewarded them by taking them out to Gruppo di Amici, a relatively new Italian restaurant that specializes in Roman-style pizzas cooked in a woodburning oven. As soon as I told Ted about their $3 draft beer Sunday special, he was sold. The restaurant is in the newly revitalizing Jarvis district, right off the Jarvis stop of the Red line in Rogers Park. It ain't no hole in the wall, either. The owners definitely spent money on decorating this joint. Still, the waitstaff were friendly, and we got no dirty looks when we walked in with Cadence in tow.

They only have two beers on tap, but we discovered that they only stock fine quality craft beers. When Ted found that out, I knew we'd be back on many a future Sunday. Anyhoo, on this particular evening, they had the Tripel Karmeliet and Veltins Pilsner on tap. Ted ordered the first one, and when I saw the beautiful creamy head in the gorgeous goblet they served it in, I had to have a taste. One little mouthful, and I was totally hooked. This was the yummiest beer I had ever laid my lips on! It was so smooth, more like a dreamsicle. I immediately called over the waiter and ordered my own goblet. Unfortunately, they'll be replacing this beer before next Sunday, so next time I'll have to pay full price ($7)at the Hopleaf to get it on tap. If you like Two Brother's Cane and Ebel, that's the next beer that will replace the Tripel Karmeliet on tap @ Gruppo di Amici. I highly recommend going there on Sundays for their $3 draft beer special. Plus the food was yummy! A little on the expensive side, but overall a lovely experience. It also really helped that Cadence was happy as a clam eating ice cubes the whole time.

Monday

* I took a vacation day Monday because I happen to follow the weather, and I found out it would be the only warm and sunny day of the week. We took Cadence and her little buddy Rudden to Brookfield Zoo, where we have a membership. Rudden's parents Brendan and Amy are friends of ours from church.

I remembered from our previous visit that you could rent those plastic wagons at the zoo, and so rather than lug two toddlers in and out of strollers, we opted for the wagon. It turned out to be one of my smarter decisions in life. The kids loved riding in the wagon, which meant a) we only had to pull one vehicle at a time; b) we didn't have to constantly chase down two toddlers to put them back in strollers; c) we had a place to put our stuff; d)it was easy to take the kids in and out of the wagon without fussing w/ buckles.

Cadence also enjoyed pulling the wagon. Yeah, she may look scrawny, but don't let her size fool you. It's all pure muscle.

Don't get me wrong--we didn't keep them totally confined to the wagon. They got plenty of chances to run and hop and jump and climb and basically be two-and-a-half year olds.

It was so cute when they both fell asleep in their car seats on the way back home. All in all, it was a lovely outing. Seeing Cadence interact with Rudden gives us a peek at what it would be like if she had a sibling. They are good enough friends that they can fight and then laugh within the same minute. It's actually quite fascinating.

Three Questions

I'm playing the Three Questions game for the Brewmistress of Chicago, Leah of Lakeline. She's asked me three questions, which I will attempt to answer here. If you'd like to play, send me an email or leave me a comment, and I will ask YOU three questions. Don't worry. I'll make you look good.

1. Who are the coolest bands you've seen/spent time with?

Wow. And Leah told me she was gonna go easy on me. Okay, for the most part the bands I list will be bands I've only seen live, not actually hung out with. Don't want any of y'alls thinking I was like a Band Aid or anything.

Wilco. I saw them live for the first time at Bumbershoot Festival in September of 2002. It was a short set, but sweet (and in Seattle! Doubly sweet!). It's probably why I fell in love with a drummer (Glenn Kotche kicks ass forever!). Although Ted's not a heavy metal drummer (yet) except in his dreams. I saw them again when the band came out for the encore of Jeff Tweedy's solo show back in January of 2003. The band's gotten so popular that I don't even bother to go to their shows any more, but I did get one last taste in February of 2005, thanks to my beloved boys in the Detholz! who invited me to photograph their show in Urbana when they toured with Wilco.

The Detholz!. I love these boys. Like I said, they let me see WILCO for free. Plus, they will rock you ruthlessly while on stage, but they're totally sweet and cuddly backstage (esp. if you give them something alcoholic and share your cigs). If you live in Chicago and have never checked out a Detholz! show, you are seriously missing out. Plus, they're my favorite band to photograph. My previous camera had a serious crush on Jim Cooper, the frontman. Here are some of my favorite shows I photographed for therm:
@ The Metro, 5/29/2003
@ Cornerstone Festival's New Band Showcase, 7/5/2003
@ Subterranean, 11/21/2003
@ The Hideout, 8/23/2004

Ian Moore. I just posted about him a few days ago, so you know what I'm talking about. I met Ian when he played a show at Schubas back in July of 2002. I approached him after his set because he did a Mojave 3 cover (probably Yer Feet) and I wanted to share my love of Neil Halsted with him. This may not sound all that unusual except for the fact that I don't normally approach musicians or bands at shows. I just don't get into the whole groupie thing. With Ian, though, it turned into a really sweet friendship, so I'm glad I made an exception and bought him that shot of Bushmills. I have also seen Ian with his full band in all his Rock 'n' Roll glory in his almost hometown of Austin, TX. He is a rock star there, and it was kinda strange walking with him around town and having people come up to him and stuff.

Denison Witmer. I've been a fan of DeniWit's since 2001. He's the reason I started this whole blog thing. He may seem so mild mannered and sweet on stage or in recordings, but in "real" life, he's a raucous stand-up comic/storyteller. We used to stay in touch more back before he got uber popular with the college kids. He still has a really special place in my heart, and always will. I still love going to see him play, and just saw him a month ago. He'll be back in April with Rosie Thomas, another one of my faves, and I can't wait!

Death Cab For Cutie. One of my first indie rock shows ever. I cannot tell you how much I love Ben Gibbard's voice. I totally want to go see his solo show at the Metro in May, but Ted's playing a show that night too, and I don't know if I'll be able to make it. There are two shows that night, and the first one is already sold out, so by the time I make up my mind, the 2nd one will probably be sold out too. Yeah, I'm lame like that.

Guided by Voices. Drunken rock 'n' roll at its very best. I swear, I never saw beer and liquor flow so freely on stage before. I think the first thing Robert Pollard (the frontman) did was to lay down an entire case of beer onstage. I debated on going to this show back in May of 2002 because, well, it was like two days after my dad's funeral, but my friend Caleb convinced me to go. Good choice. You definitely get your money's worth with these guys. I was taking photos at the show, and some dude back stage who was either w/ security or the band, came out and told me to stop. But the bass player intervened and told him to leave me alone, so that was cool, and I ended up with these photos.

Anyhoo, I could go on and on about bands, but I'll stop now, or this will never get posted. I do have concert photos of some shows I've seen here: http://www.sarahjanerhee.com/concertphotos.html

2. What three baby things did you find were indispensable?

That would be my arms, my boobs, and my voice. As for versions of these things separate from my body, here they are:

My collection of baby carriers. From the simple ring sling, to my Ellaroo wrap, to Ted's Lexus of Baby Wraps, the Didymos, to our Babyhawk Mei Tai, we've used a variety of ways of giving ourselves "extra arms" while keeping Cadence close to us. They've helped us to put a fussy baby to sleep, given us no excuse for not doing the dishes, enabled us to give Cadence a running commentary of the world she was seeing, let us maneuver through crowds without getting dirty looks from People Who Hate Strollers At Crowded Festivals, kept Cadence in a secure, warm place close to our hearts. Babywearing has been one of the most practical and attachment conducisve things we could have done as parents.

Snack-Traps. "Because Kids Spill Things." These handy dandy contraptions make it easy for toddlers to feed themselves without creating too huge of a mess. It works great with time-tested toddler staples such as cheerios, raisins, peanut butter-filled pretzel nuggets, grapes, bunny crackers (organic version of goldfish), and any other bite sized morsels toddlers love to munch on throughout the day. This was a real lifesaver for long car trips. We really don't go anywhere without them. You can buy your own at Be By Baby (or Babies R Us).

Mix CDs. Specifically, there are two mix CDs that I've made for Cadence that get played on a daily basis. One is a collection of children's songs recorded by Elizabeth Mitchell and Daniel Littleton (the wife-husband team of Ida). This is the CD we play in the car. Occasionally, Cadence will put up with some WLUW or NPR, but usually, she's demanding "Sunshine Song! Sunshine Song!" (by which she's actually referring to This Little Light of Mine NOT You are My Sunshine). The other mix CD is a lullaby mix I made of songs by some of my favorite bands. Cadence asks for her "Sleepy Songs" every night before bed, and often for naptimes too. If you find yourself suffering from insomnia (or your kid does), here's the list of songs I used on the CD. You'll probably never make it past Track 6. Cadence seldom does.

1.I'm In Love With A Girl (Big Star--Radio City)
2.Promising (Wilco--Chelsea Walls Soundtrack)
3.Bird Stealing Bread (Iron & Wine--The Creek Drank The Cradle)
4.Love Songs On The Radio (Mojave 3--Ask Me Tomorrow)
5.Birds And Ships (Natalie Merchant--Mermaid Ave South Vol 1)
6.Songbird (Denison Witmer--Recovered)
7.Healing Time (Denison Witmer--River Bends EP)
8.By The Mark (Gillian Welch--Revival)
9.Dear Someone (Gillian Welch--Time The Revelator)
10.One Little Song (Gillian Welch--Soul Journey)
11.Mansion On The Hill (Bruce Springsteen--Nebraska)
12.Softly And Tenderly (Robert Sean Leonard--Chelsea Walls Soundtrack)
13.Nothing Is Over, Not Yet (Clem Snide--You Were A Diamond)
14.Ghost Of David (Damien Jurado--Ghost Of David)
15.Radiator (Ida--Will You Find Me)
16.Summer On The Westhill (Kings Of Convenience--Quiet Is The New Loud)
17.Yer Feet (Mojave 3--Out Of Tune)
18.High Hopes (Neil Halsted--Sleeping On Roads)
19.Place To Be (Nick Drake--Pink Moon)
20.Things Behind The Sun (Nick Drake--Pink Moon)
21.Brown Eyes (Red House Painters--Retrospective Disc 2)
22.October (Rosie Thomas--When We Were Small)
23.You And Me (Rosie Thomas--Only With Laughter Can You Win)
24.Someone Else's Song (Wilco--Being There Disc 2)

3. What is your favorite thing about nursing a toddler?

First of all, as much as I support extended breastfeeding, before anyone thinks I'm a nursing superhero or anything like that, let me admit that sometimes I DON'T like nursing a toddler at all. Most of the time, however, it's really one of the few relaxing things I can count on during the day (well, actually, it's usually at night). What I really like about the first nursing session when I come home from work is just how close I can be with Cadence. I can smell her hair, feel her body snuggled close to me, stroke her face, and think back to the not-too-distant past when she was actually small enough to cradle in my arms.

Lately, as I watch Cadence run around and do Little Kid things, I can look to the future and envision her as a Big Kid doing Big Kid things. It's scary and exciting and a little sad all at the same time. I want to cherish this stage of life when she still loves being in my arms and allows herself to depend on me in such an intimate, tender way.

Real Moms Meme

I've been tagged by the lovely and every-so-talented Tracey Clark for the awesome Real Moms Meme started by Kristen.

It took me a while to think of something to fill in the "Real Moms _________." Mainly, because so many people have already taken my potential answers. So after a few hours of pondering and a couple of google searches cuz I hates being redundant, here's what I'm going with:

Real Moms Need Each Other.

And by each other, I mean other Real Moms.

There are so many experiences that are universal to motherhood, especially First Time Motherhood. You can read about pregnancy and birth and newborn care and parenting until you're blue in the face (or zonked out from boredom), but until you actually talk to another mom who's Been There Done That and Lived to Tell About It, there's a part of you that won't believe any of it. The phrase shouldn't be It Takes A Village To Raise A Child. It should be It Takes A Village of Real Moms To Keep A Mom From Crossing Over The Brink Of Insanity--So That She Can Raise A Child.

Sadly, we in Western culture don't live in villages anymore. Those of us in big cities don't even have the advantage of the town gossip who at least lets everyone else know what your troubles are. If it weren't for the internet, many of us wouldn't have even ONE other mom to relate to.

But the need to connect is still there. Real Moms Need Each Other. So many of us parent with guilt and insecurities and feel like failures. We need to hear that it's normal to not like your kid occasionally. We need to hear that it's okay if your kid won't eat anything but cheerios today (and tomorrow and the day after that). We need to hear that it's okay to have that cocktail/beer/vodka. We need to hear that we're not failures because we couldn't give birth naturally/breastfeed/cloth diaper/get our babies to sleep through the night/wean/potty train/learn their ABCs. We need to hear that we are not alone, and we need to hear it from other Real Moms.

I'm tagging all y'all mamas, many of you who've been there for me, keeping me real.

Lesson #3--Take Care Of Yourself

(For those of you just joining us now, I'm doing a series of blog posts on Lessons Learned from my very unplanned pregnancy, birth, and 1st 2.5 years of parenting Cadence. It's information for those seeking it, but mainly, it's a way for me to give myself a pep talk for the *next* one, if and when we think we may possibly be ready for a *next* one. My fertility has always been somewhat suspect, and I'm not getting any younger, so I may be just getting all worked up for nothing.)

Lesson #3--Take Care Of Yourself. This seems pretty obvious, huh? It's easier said than done, however, in our fast-paced plugged-in world.

Some women's bodies are hardcoded to have easy births. I know a mom who delievered her firstborn almost before her husband was done filling out the hospital paperwork. She thought it was so easy that she was ready to have another baby the very next day. If all women were like her, I'm sure we'd have to be building condos in Antarctica by now due to the overpopulation. Alas, for most women, having a baby can be as physically and mentally challenging as running a marathon. If you don't prepare your body and your mind for the event, you may find yourself regretting it at the finish line.

The first part of taking care of yourself is to eat healthy. When I was pregnant with Cadence, we had the misfortune of living only a block away from Sweet Occasions, our favorite ice cream place in the city. 2 ½ years later, the extra pounds of flesh on various parts of my body still remind me of every scoop of ice cream I indulged in during those months. Don't get me wrong. I don't believe in dieting during a pregnancy. I've heard of women who were so scared of gaining weight that they gave birth to 4lb babies. However, your visits to Sweet Occasions should be just that—sweet and occasional, not the almost daily visit it became for me. It's no wonder Cadence is willing to take two buses when I mention that ice cream will be the destination.

I think some of the guidelines on what pregnant women should eat and not eat get totally wacko and impossible to follow. I wouldn't overdo it unless you LIKE following really restrictive and regimented rules for yourself. I think the main thing I would do differently (besides eating less ice cream) would be to keep in mind that being pregnant is not an excuse for pigging out on whatever fatty greasy food I'm in the mood for. Just this mindset alone would have significantly increased the health factor of my diet during pregnancy and decreased the number of miles I'm gonna have to run now to forget those scoops of Zanzibar Chocolate.

One reason eating a healthy diet is important is that it will help you to also do the second part of taking care of yourself, which is to EXERCISE. What? Exercise? But aren't prego women supposed to take it easy? That's what past generations thought, and some women who have high-risk pregnancies do have to take it easy . But for the vast majority of women, exercise is a good thing during pregnancy. You can't sit on your gradually widening ass for 9 months and then expect to perform the equivalent of running a marathon during labor and delivery. This may be the one instance when your ability to perform under pressure will not be enough. (Like I said, I’m not a healthcare professional, so talk to yours before starting an exercise regiment.)

Unfortunately, if your body is not used to exercising BEFORE you get pregnant, it can be hard to make a habit of it AFTER you're pregnant, when your hormones and body changes are making you narcoleptic on most days. Some doctors won't even let you exercise beyond the brisk walk if you didn't exercise BEFORE you got pregnant. That's why I totally plan on getting as fit as possible before I'll even entertain trying to conceive again (which is why I may never have another child).

Women who exercise consistently during their pregnancy often have an easier time with labor and delivery. The exercise I've heard women swear by time and time again, esp women who chose natural childbirth, is prenatal yoga.

I am one of the 7 women in America who missed out on the yoga/pilates phenomenon. Part of it was my fundamentalist Christian upbringing that predisposed me to be suspicious of anything that smacked of Eastern religions. Which is stupid when you consider I'm Asian. Anyhoo, I thought practicing yoga would be an open invitation to all the false religion demons to inhabit my vulnerable spirit, so I shouldn't take the risk.

I've come to my senses since then, but I still haven't caught up with the yoga craze. I do plan on rectifying that, esp. if I ever want to get pregnant again. One of the things on my To Do Before Considering Pregnancy Again list is mastering a yoga regiment. Maybe mastering is too strong a word…I suppose surviving on a regular basis (e.g. 3x a week)would be a more realistic goal, if I ever want to cross that one off my list.

So what is it about prenantal yoga that is so helpful to women in labor? Due to my lack of personal experience, I'll have to go by what I've heard and read. Here are some articles that you may find helpful:

Prepare for Birth with Prenatal Yoga
Prenatal Yoga: More than Relaxation
Great Pregnancy Exercise: Yoga
Benefits of Yoga Before, During and After Pregnancy

Here is a list some of the benefits of prenatal yoga from one of the articles:

~Increase energy
~Decrease anxiety
~Strengthen birthing muscles
~Quicken postpartum recovery
~Improve sleep
~Reduce backache
~Improve circulation
~Increase chance of a healthy birth

The third part of taking care of yourself is learning how to relax. That may sound simple enough, but if you've never made a habit of taking time to just breathe deeply and let go of all your stress, you may find yourself twiddling your thumbs and blinking a lot while wondering when you're gonna start feeling relaxed.

You may have to try different things to find what actually relaxes you. It might not be the stereotypical bubble bath or walk on the beach. The aforementioned yoga may help. The breathing exercises alone should put you in a calm, meditative state.

If you've never tried needlecraft before, it's never too late to learn. I hear knitting and crocheting can be very therapeutic, and I know first hand (ha! hand. get it?) that simple stitching can also be very relaxing and is something that even someone who's all thumbs can do very easily. You can even make stuff for your expected bundle of joy!

For those of you who can afford it, an occasional prenatal massage session can be totally what the doctor/midwife/homeopath ordered. Of course, having a partner with strong hands who's willing to give you a backrub at the end of a long, stressful day couldn't hurt either.

Whatever it is that helps you to relax, whether it's the stuff I mentioned, or just daydreaming for 15 minutes, reading a book, listening to music, etc., it's a good habit to cultivate. I'm definitely still working on this one.

Actually, I think that this whole "Take Care of Yourself" mantra is the most difficult one for me. It goes back to my fundie cult upbringing in which I was taught that taking care of yourself was plain selfish, when you should be out looking for and feeding Jesus' lost sheep. Nevermind that the cult leader always had a bevy of women around him, cooking for him, running his errands, giving him backrubs and doing GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE. Anyhoo, so yeah, it's hard for me to give myself permission to take care of ME. That's one of the reasons I'm writing all this out so publicly. I figure if I blog about it and tell other folks they should do it, I'll be more inclined to follow my own advice.

ian moore show

Ted and I got a special treat on Friday. We got to go see our friend Ian Moore play a show at our favorite venue, Schubas. Last time he'd played Chicago, we got my mom to babysit, so we didn't bring Cadence, and he was disappointed about that, so this time we decided to bring her to the show. Ted's mom was gracious enough to drive all the way into the city to play with Cadence in the Harmony Grill, Schuba's restaurant, during the show. We got there kind of late, so Cadence and I only had a chance to say hi as Ian was getting ready to go in to play his set.

(photo by Tim Lowly)

We took Cadence in for a few songs before returning her to Grandma in the restaurant. She loves live music, especially with folks who sing and play guitar, but she IS 2 ½ and was in the mood for running around, which would have been impossible in the packed out music room. I'm so glad Ted's mom was there so Ted and I didn't have to take turns going in and out of the show. Our friend Alana offered to take turns w/ us if Grandma didn't come to the show, but thankfully we didn't need to resort to musical chairs babysitting that night.

It's really hard to describe an Ian Moore show with words. It is such a rich experience. Ian and his multi-instrumentalist Kullen play with such intensity one moment, tenderness the next, ferocity another moment, playfulness the next…You really have to experience it for yourself. And you can probably in June. They'll be back playing Schubas again.

Ted was really happy that our friends Tim Lowly, our pastor's husband and for whom Ted drums, and Ryan Hammer, Tim's bass player and lovely person all-round, made it out to the show. He sat with them on the benches along the side of the music room, while I stood in the back behind people taller than me (which would have been 95% of the folks in the room).

2007 will mark 5 years since Ian and I lost our dads. I think it's what sealed our friendship—being in each other's presence while we were still strangers and yet being able to share the painful bloody mess that wounded hearts create. We only see each other about once a year, and it's always for such a short time, but I think we both get a real sense of comfort and peace from those moments.