today was a mixed bag of emotions. on the one hand, i saw some old friends whom i love dearly at my old church...i also got to see my friend john roberts play julius caesar in that shakespeare play of the same name...kinda freaked me out to see john get really violently stabbed and covered w/ blood. i know it's fake, but it freaked me out nonetheless. but it was great to see jenn & john, and felix & zarah who came out to the show w/ me.



then there was some hard stuff. got a call today from one of my dearest most beloved friends that her cousin just died in his sleep last night. he was only 26. what do you say to that? my heart was so torn because i just wanted to go comfort her right then and there, but there's several hundred miles between us right now...i put on denison's philadelphia songs and listened to the song 'do i really have to?' over and over again... "i carry you from place to place/ this is how i spend my days/ do you understand my shape my form?/do i really have to let you go?/ not if i don't want to/...when someone you love dies/ you never question where they've gone/ like landscapes under snow/ they're blocks you build more life upon/ they're the corner of your eyes/ their quiet arms still comfort you/ do i really have to/ do i really have to let you go?..." this song always takes me back to when my dad died...and so i can imagine at least a bit of what my friend must be going through...



my faith has been shaky as of late, and this incident added tremors that i really don't need to my feeble foundation...as i mentioned to a friend in an email tonight, wilco's song 'i can't stand it' has been really on my heart and mind:

"the way things go

you get so low

struggle to find your skin

hey ho

look out below

your prayers will never be answered again



phones still ring

and singers sing

speakers are speaking in code

what now

well anyhow

our prayers will never be answered again



you know it's all beginning

to feel like its ending

no love's as random

as god's love

i can't stand it

i can't stand it..."



everything seems so arbitrary to me right now...i'm not bitter, but i'd be lying if i said i weren't a bit angry...i don't understand...and i know i can't expect to understand...but that doesn't mean i'm not gonna get frustrated about it.



today's soundtrack: last broadcast--doves

alrighty. sometimes life is like a big bowl of granola. you think you can eat that whole thing if you just have enough milk not realizing that your stomach has shrunk in the past 24 hours that you haven't eaten and so you can only eat like half the bowl...deep thoughts by sarah-ji for ya...

ok. so today was pretty much devoted to listening to records and buying records with my friend michael. we walked over to ann sather's cafe for what should have been breakfast or even brunch but because we spent so much time listening to records it was like 1:30 in the afternoon before we got to eat. i should have keeled over dead by then cuz i hadn't eaten since lunch the previous day. yeah, that's where i got my bowl of granola life analogy from...

michael introduced me to the music of doves today. they are frickin' awesome!!! we went to reckless records after breakfast/brunch/lunch and i got their latest cd. i also found a used promo copy of rosie's when we were small, which was funny cuz michael & i had just been talking that morning about her touring w/ bryan ferry, and michael had to explain to me who bryan ferry was. yeah, roxy music. i get it now. i also picked up a copy of john vanderslice cuz ryan told me he's been compared to him. oh. i found a used copy of red house painter's rollercoaster cd. what else? oh, i got a promo onelinedrawing cd for peter. but i'm gonna listen to it first of course.

michael got all these crazy records that i can't even remember the names of. i made him play me that rare flying saucer attack ep that i heard monday night. i just like that one song coming home, which is not even their song, but still i like their version of it. i saw a copy of fsa's first album (according to michael) at reckless, so i'm gonna stop in and get that before someone snags it.

so i just got home and i gotta shower and recharge my battery for damien's show tonight @ schubas. my friend derek, wildwood's new booking agent who's booking for serene so who i need to treat really well, is supposed to come out for that w/ his wife linda and our mutual friends shannon & kriss. i haven't seen shannon since a million years ago, so i'm psyched. i hope they actually show up. they have like 20 kids so it can get kinda hard to get out on a sat. evening i suppose.

yeah, today was a lazy saturday for the most part which is AWESOME. i need more of those kinds of days...gotta slow down my crazy pace before i crash & burn or even worse get used to such a hectic pace of life. this isn't me...i love doing all this stuff yeah and all, but really, who i am is a girl w/ a camera lazily meandering the streets of chicago or the dirt paths of the forest preserves capturing moments of beauty on compactflash card. i was born to lollygag. i was born to read every flyer posted on the reckless records windows. i was born to stop in every record store and every book store and every thrift store going from point a to point b. i was born to browse the used albums section alphabetically title by title from a-z (that's how i almost missed my plane to dallas from austin--i made the mistake of stopping in waterloo records before going to the airport...i got to the c's in the used section and looked at my watch and realized my plane would be leaving without me if i didn't scadaddle). oh yeah, and stop and smell the roses and all that stuff too. cuz there are so many rosebushes in chicago.

anyways, speaking of cameras, i feel like i've become a digital camera salesgirl. i have literally spent at least 2 hours this past week with like 4 different people trying to help them figure out what digital camera is right for them. my expertise comes only from having used a nikon coolpix 995 for like 8 months and from seeing josh's little olympus point & shoot digital camera. but i really do sound like i know what i'm talking about. i know i've sold at least one olympus this week.

ok. i hope there's hot water left...it's frickin' cold here today...

stuff i've listened to--

a whole bunch of stuff michael played for me that i don't remember the names of a lot of which i'll never want to listen to again but some that's worth checking out like DOVES!!! they're good, y'all. just get the album. you won't regret it. unless you don't like that good music...
s/t--hidari mae (for the millionth time and counting...)
oddessy & oracle--the zombies (that's an AWESOME album!!! don't let the name of the band scare you...it's really lovely...)
get lost--magnetic fields
ummm i don't remember what else...the usual i guess...you know, serene, holiday runner, blah blah blah...

ok. photos from the ian moore action company show @ antone's in austin, tx are up and running. just click here. yeah, i know i'm behind like 30 shows from PRIOR to this one, but i love ian, so he gets special attention. i'm in charge here, so i think that's okay. and i gotta tell ya, that show was frickin' kick ass...megan & i had only seen ian do his solo acoustic shows, but i love via satellite so much (it's w/ IMAC, the whole band) so i really really wanted to see an IMAC show, so when this business trip to dallas popped up right after the weekend ian was going to be in austin, i was so thrilled! so i didn't even have to pay for my plane ticket to austin cuz i was flying out w/ a saturday night stay, my 3 legged plane ticket going from ohare to austin to dallas to ohare was like $800 cheaper than if i flew out from ohare on sunday directly to dallas, so my boss was happy i could see a show AND save the company buku dollars.



so anyways, i guess i'll mention my austin trip now. when i got into austin that saturday around noon, it was sunny and in the 80's. i was psyched! chicago was cold when i'd left it. i went to my hotel and got me some pool time. i had that swimming pool all to myself, which is always nice. i met up with my cousin ike who took me to waterloo records, which was totally awesome and brought back memories of college and syler thomas, my old old friend who grew up in austin...i remember that texas flag hanging in his dorm room...and how he showed up in cowboy boots and jeans for a somewhat formal christmas party that he was my "date" to back when i worked at the evanston vcf office...i'll never forget THAT one...and his waterloo records t-shirt--i stole that shirt for months. literally. so being in austin and going to waterloo records brought back some fond memories of what were probably my happiest and most innocent carefree years back at depaul w/ syler & crew...but i'm digressing here...yeah, ike & i spent some time in waterloo (i bought a serene cd here--they carried like 13 copies!! hehehe...) and then had dinner at a place called central market, which is this really cool grocery store kinda like whole foods with a restaurant in it that's got really good food.



so ike had to work that night so i went and got my car from the hotel and then picked up ian from his manager's house. we grabbed a quick thai dinner, went to a friend's bday party and then made our way to antone's for the IMAC show. it was great seeing chris dye (ian's tour manager extraordinnare) again. i got to meet the other members of the band. greg the bass player, nina the drummer who is really petite but plays mean drums, and derek the keyboardist who was really sweet but crazy on stage. the band really rocks out during shows. it was kinda eye-opening to see ian doing an electric show after only seeing his acoustic shows. he didn't sit in no chair for this one. they did some new songs that were kinda poppy which i really liked. one was called 'walk on by' i think. that was a really catchy one. and they did a cover of 'be my baby' that nina sang the lead vocals for which was totally fun. she's got a great voice. actually, i think the entire band can sing which is cool cuz the harmonies they did were like totally awesome. ian's voice is complemented so well w/ good harmonies cuz he's got such a beautiful voice. they did the sam cooke cover jesus wash away my troubles for one of the encores, and it was breathtaking...i love that song so much...it really makes me just wanna weep. i called megan's voice mail when they played that song and left it as the message...she totally loved it cuz that's her favorite ian song too...i really wish megan could've been with me...next time i go to austin, i have to take her with...



so i was totally blown away by the show. i really wish i could go to austin for new year's eve now to see them play again...and the band was so sweet to me. i also got to meet ian's webmaster mark alba, who is one of the nicest people i've ever met. on sunday, i hung out w/ ian for lunch and then a football game on tv. i have to say the best part of the weekend was being able to spend time with ian. that was totally special. i also had a chance to hang out w/ chris and mark after we dropped off ian at the airport, and that was a lot of fun. chris & i got to go to waterloo records, and he got the all-time quarterback cd cuz i raved about it (that's ben of death cab for cutie's side project--totally awesome cd in my humble opinion but then again i'm in love w/ ben's voice so i may be biased...) and i picked up a couple cds at his suggestion (the zombies' odessy & oracle and james' seven). i love going to record stores with other music lovers.



i definitely need to go back to austin...oh yeah! i'm going to SXSW in march!!! that's gonna be a blast. i hope serene and some of my other friends will be there as well. i know ian will be playing for sure.



so tonight my best friend josh calls me at aroun 11:15pm my time, past midnite his time. i knew something was up cuz since he's changed time zones from pacific to eastern, i don't get late phone calls from him. turns out lielle got stuck in manhattan, so he couldn't sleep. brought back memories of when josh and i would call each other back when he was in california at the oddest hours--josh would call me to be lulled to sleep, and i'd call him to stay awake at the wheel. we have a great symbiotic relationship.



last night was like old times...we talked goofing around for two hours. we yahoo instant messaged each other for old time's sake, and we made a very interesting discovery. if you have the latest version of yahoo messenger, they have these things called IM environments that are interactive. for example, there's a fighting game that i kicked josh's ass on. and there's chess. we couldn't figure that one out. but our favorite was the DOODLE IM environment. it is so frickin' awesome! you and your instant message buddy can draw on the same page at the same time!!! like how cool is that?! josh and i spent a good hour and a half doing that i think. then when you're done, you can print the picture, and yahoo will print it with like a picture frame around it and everything. i'm gonna make josh draw with me on a regular basis, and then maybe we could publish our drawings or something. interactive art via the internet...yeah...



i get to see josh in like TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! i haven't seen the boy since like march 18th when he drove away for the eastern time zone...that's like 7 months ago...i wonder if i'll even recognize him. since he's been living w/ lielle for the past 9 months, he should've started looking like her by now. you know how couples start looking like each other after a while? well, for josh that's a good thing cuz lielle is so much better looking than he is.



i'll get to see caleb too. haven't seen him in 2 months. not that it's of much consequence since i never saw him much in the first place. but we're gonna see idlewild in new york city and that is so totally rad i can't wait!!!!!!! i had almost considered going to europe next year so that maybe i could catch a live idlewild show, but now i guess i don't have to do that. whew! that saves me like $700.



some stuff i've been listening to:

s/t--hidari mae (y'all know how i feel about this one...)

and all the colors...--ian moore

let us garlands bring--early day miners

placer found--early day miners

waters ave s--damien jurado

ghost of david--damien jurado

i break chairs--damien jurado & gathered in song

get lost--magnetic field (i love this album!)

american english ep--idlewild

100 broken windows--idlewild

disintegration--the cure

s/t--serene

beggars of the sea--serene (their 1st cd w/ different musicians and a few different songs)

s/t--holiday runner

philadelphia songs--denison witmer

on avery island--neutral milk hotel

the photo album--death cab for cutie

to the roof of the sky--vigilantes of love

here's a funny story. at least it's funny to me...



so i get home like 15 minutes ago & i call my friend amy's (of pete & amy) cell phone, but she doesn't answer, so i call her home phone. as her husband pete answers their home phone, i get a call on my cell phone and i answer it, and simultaneously, i've got pete saying hello in my right ear and amy saying "hey, i saw you called" in my left ear. so i talk into both phones at once and tell them i've got both of them on the phone, one in each ear. so amy's like, "oh, well talk to peter then." and at the same time pete's like "well, i'm gonna jump in the shower so talk to amy."



you had to have been there...it's amazing how easy it is to talk into two phones at the same time, but you risk getting hung up on by both parties once they know you're on w/ someone else in the other ear.



i listened to 'dissension' by hidari mae all the way home from work...yeah, for like 50 minutes straight...i can actually sing the whole song now. andy sings it in exactly my key. i love songs i can sing along to...



song i'm singing along to now: "like so many things we do" by holiday runner (jesse sprinkle really)--

..."the worth of life is altered once again

and either way the highway is a friend"

ok. this blog has become seriously pathetic. what the heck have i been up to lately?! oh well.



anyways, i've got two bands for you to check out. no, i'm not talking about serene this time. but you should check them out too...



early day miners (secretly canadian)--ok. i saw these guys back in april at schuba's when they opened up for jason molina of songs:ohia. i really liked them at the time but their latest cd hadn't been released then. so i'm in waterloo records last last weekend in austin, and what do i find in the used section? 'let us garlands bring', early day miners' latest cd. so i picked it up and i had a chance to listen to it on the plane ride from austin to dallas last monday. the whole plane ride i had to fight back the tears because the songs were so frickin' beautiful they made me cry. esp. the last song on the cd "a common wealth"--that was a 17 minute doozie that could be a filmscore. now i know not everyone gets into my ambient/gently melodic arpegiated guitar riff/hi-hat brushing/shoegazing/slowcore/lyrically minimal music, but i really loved this cd. go check them out. you can download songs from their website. or buy the cd from insound. or your local record store.



hidari mae (panther fact records)--this is a mainly seattle area band fronted by andy myers, the drummer for damien jurado (who's doing a solo gig @ schubas on sat. w/ jason molina by the way) band gathered in song, and also includes eric fisher (gathered in song's guitarist as well as rosie thomas's guitarist) and andy's brother josh myers and greg danforth. andy writes all the lyrics and sings, and i guess the band collaborates on the music. i love andy's voice. i love andy's lyrics. lyrics such as 'like a feather in a hurricane"..."the sky is the lid, the stars are airholes"..."cigarettes with lipstick stains"..."life will bleed away/ into a million billion forevers"..."connection severed between heart and vocal chords"...i love hidari mae's melodies and harmonies. megan and i met andy & greg at the bowling alley in seattle for rosie & eric's going away to europe thingie back at the end of august. andy is so totally indie rock it was quite overwhelming, and he's also probably one of the sweetest creatures i've ever met. megan and i are going to see hidari mae in seattle next month when they open up for denison. i told andy we were coming but not to tell deni so we could surprise him. if you want to buy hidari mae's cd you can get it at insound or amazon. or send a check to panther fact.



going to new york on halloween w/ connolly & olarn. on separate planes. going to see josh my bestest buddy who is now engaged to his lovely lielle. gonna see caleb for idlewild which is going to be frickin' awesome. i've totally been digging the song american english by idlewild. and of course 100 broken windows is just brilliant. in my humble opinion of course.



then i'm off to seattle on nov. 12th to see serene play w/ the gloria record at the crocodile cafe! that's the first venue that i ever saw a rock'n'roll show at in seattle. my cousin kris & i saw pinback there back in october of 2000. i think that was kris's first show ever. wow. that's like huge...i'll see serene play again the next day in portland, or. megan will join me in seattle that thursday and we'll see hidari mae & denison witmer play on friday. then back home sunday. i miss seattle...here' s site i found today that shows cam shots of one of my all-time favorite spots in the city, red square on the UW campus where ryan, jesse, meg & i romped around the last night we were in seattle. that was such a dreamy evening...and i was totally sober...i think i was the only one though...



so my friend michael of the band watchers is like milimeters away from signing w/ gern blandsten out of nj. if anybody knows an entertainment lawyer who'll work probono, please let me know.