tonight i'm going to my monthly wicker park spirituality discussion group @ the aion teahouse...teddy's going with me this time...we're supposed to be discussing the spiritual symbolism in the matrix (the movie)...i have to admit i didn't quite get the 2nd one...i've heard people debating elements of the movie back and forth, and i'm thinking to myself, 'i have no idea what these guys are talking about...but the fight scenes were kick ass! that much i know...' so it may be that the answer to all our questions, or the Question itself is in that movie, and i'm totally missing it because really what i enjoy is the kung fu, plain and simple...oh well...



so guess WHAT?! that bill mallonee show coming up @ schubas w/ his swanky young new band the tiny silver hearts? the one on july 1st? annie quick is gonna open up for him!!! and my friend derek, booking agent extraordinnaire for wildwood agency, is gonna have his band (currently called the secuity council and including the extremely talented jon steinmeier of the detholz!) opening up as well...in other words, it's gonna be a kick ass show, yo!









i can't believe cornerstone is only like 3 weeks away...i mean, i still haven't gone through all my photos from last year's cornerstone...shame on me...i wasn't gonna go this year, but i changed my mind cuz bill's playing & jesse's hard core alter ego will be playing in demon hunter & the detholz! will be playing the new band showcase (they're gonna blow everybody away big time, fer sure)...denison will be there...and a bunch of other really good bands...and since there won't be a wildwood booth, i can actually go and see some shows this time around...too bad ryan won't be there...that's where we met last year...the last night of cornerstone...i still remember making a 4am run to hardee's in my car w/ megan, ryan & jesse...meg was driving because i was...uhm...unable to drive...and i was in the backseat w/ jesse...listening to denison on the cd player...jesse drums along...i thought he was pretty good...and then he says he played on that recording, and i was like freaking out...ha ha ha! so many good memories from that week...meeting caleb for the first time...bonding w/ megan...finding out what a goofball denison is in real life...hanging out w/ bill & VoL...meeting the UHQ crew esp erik & mikey...seeing ticklepenny corner live for the first time...warm fuzzy feelings all over again just thinking about it...*sigh*...



been listening to--

it's hard to find a friend--pedro the lion

leave here a stranger--starflyer 59

everybody makes mistakes--starflyer 59

i'm at rt's right now...we just had ice cream sundaes on his roof, but don't tell his landlord...it's a lovely chicago summer night...yeah...kinda muggy but definitely bearable...godiva ice cream was on sale 2 pints for $3.59 so yeah major score on that...add some hot caramel, waffle bowls, and mint chocolate pirouette, and ya got there a really awesome sundae...yummmmmmmm...



i love summer...it's like instant prozac for me...



i listened to pedro the lion's 'it's hard to find a friend' album for the first time in a long time...i always forget how much i LOVE his old stuff...his new stuff is totally kick ass and makes you think and is challenging and all that...but the old stuff made me all soft inside and think about god and about feeling messed up and all that...i've listened to those songs so many times, and still i'm affected by them every time...songs like this one below...



"i could hear the church bells ringing, they peeled aloud your praise

the member's faces were smiling with their hands outstretched to shake

it's true they did not move me, my heart was hard and tired

their perfect fire annoyed me, i could not find you anywhere



could someone please tell me the story

of sinners ransomed from the fall

i still have never seen you, and somedays

i don't love you at all





the devoted were wearing bracelets to remind them of why they came

some concrete motivation and the abstract could not do the same

but if all that's left is duty, i'm falling on my sword

at least then, i would not serve an unseen distant lord



could someone please tell me the story

of sinners ransomed from the fall

i still have never seen you, and somedays

i don't love you at all



if this only a test, i hope that i'm passing,

cuz i'm losing the stake but i still want to trust you



peace be still peace be still peace be still" ~ secret of the easy yoke by pedro the lion



i posted those lyrics back in april of 2002, the day after i found out my dad was dying...and here i am now in june 2003...it seems i've had folks answer my call to "tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall"...tim...rand...caleb...bill...ryan...jesse...pete & amy...sam...derek...to name a few...and i'm still waiting for something more...there are days when i believe it all...and there are days when i believe nothing...i suppose the roller coaster of faith and doubt won't ever go away in this life...it's just that i think about my dad and wonder what he thinks about all this...





"dad i broke my promise to you

if you're wondering where i've been

i thought i knew what i was doing

but i was wrong again" ~ from the bells by pedro the lion



p.s. from this entry forward the drummer formerly known as rt will be referred to as 'ted' or 'teddy' or 'red ted' or 'red teddy' or some combination thereof. that's just an fyi...

well, i'm back from seattle...*sigh*...it was a beautiful albeit a hot weekend...friday and saturday were scorching hot, in the 90's...that's unheard of in seattle...most folks don't even have airconditioning cuz it's never necessary...but it was a nice change from the super cold spring we've been having in chicago...and it wasn't humid heat like it would've been in chicago...i did a bunch of touristy stuff...museum of flight, harbor cruise, science museum, space needle, pike place market, seattle center, the shops of broadway on capitol hill, bruce & brandon lee's grave sites, UW, the ave...i also caught demon hunter's first show (a practice show for friends & family) on sunday night...that's jesse's other other other band...it was great to see him drumming again...i hadn't seen him in a zillion years it seemed...his beard's so long now...



it was weird going to seattle without megan...but it was great showing rt my favorite city w/ his brother dave...and i finally got to meet the rest of rt's siblings--charles & his wife ally--who've been living in seattle since last october...we got to stay with them in capitol hill, which was nice...they have two of the nicest behaved cats i've ever met...charles & ally had to work the whole time, but dave was able to go everywhere with us, pretty much, which was cool...i think having dave as co-tour guide made the trip a lot more productive...and he knew the cool cafes and stuff...





whenever i go to seattle, it's like going home...i can't explain it, but i just feel so comfortable there...i know my way around capitol hill pretty well now...i think i'm even a better driver in seattle, which is nuts cuz the streets are so much hillier than chicago...this was my first time in seattle in spring...it was so beautiful...all the greenery is so...so...so GREEN...it's lovely...yeah, i still have my sights on seattle long term...every time i go there, it's harder to leave...



ryan & erik met up with us sunday night for jesse's show...ryan's hair is getting LONG...and he gave me copies of some new serene tracks that they've been recording...i really like it...these songs sound so much different from the last album...they have more of a gloria record feel to them...i can't wait for them to finish recording...i know ryan's been getting sick of doing the old songs, so i'm glad he's got new ones to add to the setlist...



i really want to go back to seattle for bumbershoot over labor day weekend, but the air fares have skyrocketed all of a sudden...i should've bought my ticket back when it was half the price it is now...oh well...i'll have to exercise a little self-discipline i suppose and keep my feet on the ground for a change...there are still no jobs in seattle as far as i've been told...so i'm gonna sit tight for now...and save money for my next trip...



and now it's back to reality...ugh...i'm exhausted...





been listening to--

brief history of the 20th century--gang of four

murray street--sonic youth

keep it like a secret--built to spill

i leave for seattle tomorrow morning...and none too soon...i've been having emerald city withdrawl...and i miss my boys of serene, esp. jesse whom i haven't seen in SEVEN MONTHS...god knows how many times his style of facial hair has changed since i last saw him...



so talk about a small world...i was at the laundromat yesterday night doing a boatload of laundry when i run into christina f. whom i met through chris langill of the garden...she helps out @ the garden coffeehouses, and i've seen her at a couple shows here and there...turns out that she's a friend of rt's and i didn't even know it...he had forwarded to her the link to a photo album he & i had set up of all our activities, and she told me she saw our photos...and then it turns out she's really good friends with aimee, my friend scott's sister, who's friends w/ rt's brother & sisterinlaw in seattle...and then i had this feeling i should ask her where she goes to church, even though i didn't know if she even went to church, and somehow we got on that topic, and turns out her church meets across the street from the MATCHBOX!!! (that's chicago & milwaukee) HA! rt & i have been talking about going there for a month now...so now i have a church to check out when i get back from seattle...



and for those of you wondering why i'm even interested in checking out a church...i dunno...but when things fall into place the way they have, you just go with the flow, ya know what i'm sayin'? like when caleb emailed me out of the blue last year and got me to go to hyde park vineyard...sheesh...that was just nuts...



tonight...rt's friend nikki's opening @ uncommon ground...then q and not u @ the fireside...you can't stop the rawk...



been listening to--

the only reason i feel secure--pedro the lion*

emotions--alaska!

start here--the gloria record

love is here--starsailor

s/t--pinback

the pace is glacial--seam

ancient melodies of the future--built to spill



*ah, pedro the lion...his old stuff...i can't even say how these songs make me want to weep...it's been a long time...



p.s. i finished 'nine stories' by j.d. salinger...GO GET YERSELF A COPY IF YA DON'T HAVE ONE! fer real.

rt finally made my bday cake on saturday...it was a shared bday cake w/ lauren & jason, rt's twin sister & bro, who had bdays this weekend...it took the poor boy the entire afternoon and early evening on saturday to complete it...we went over to the twins' apt. that evening to have cake and go bowling...jay's friends mike & timm were there...very nice boys they all are...anyways, we went out for mexican and then went back to the apt to consume the cake rt had slaved over...it was pretty damn good too...yellow duncan hines cake with homemade icing with a white chocolate/strawberry/banana filling...after cake, we went to timber lanes on irving park road for bowling...that's where rt & i bowled w/ john roberts & eric after measure for measure a couple weeks ago...rt's been bugging me to go bowling again ever since...we were supposed to go @ uic but that didn't pan out...timber lanes has a nice charming neighborhood bar feel to it anyways...and they had the black lights on that night...i never have anything white on when the bowling alley turns the black lights on...jays other friends joined us at the bowling alley so it ended up being 9 of us...on one lane...that was the LONGEST bowling game i have ever played...and two of them dropped out after the 6th frame...by the 2nd game, the couple in the lane next to us had left, so we were able to bowl a much quicker game...



sunday, rt went to jason's graduation...i stayed home and rearranged the living room according to specs layed out in one of rt's floor plans...it required switching the positions of the tv/dvd and computer stations as well as moving one of the bookshelves and the couch and wood chest...all in all, a lot of bending was involved as i also vacuumed and mopped parts of the floor that hadn't seen the light of day since the 2nd week of march 2002. i also attempted to reunite my loose cds w/ their respective cd cases...i am still missing a bunch of cds as well as a bunch of cases...and some cds in their cases...i really don't know how many cds i have but it's like a lot and i really need a better storage system for them...right now i've got these two towers from bed bath & beyond that are a little taller than me and really really wobbly as well as a smaller shelving unit that maybe comes up to my chest...i need something big, something sturdy...something that'll fit an attic apartment with sloped ceilings...



anyways, the combination of bowling and moving large objects and bending up and down for hours has wiped me out...



on a good note, i've been taking the train to work since friday...yeah, i know...it's only been a few days, but in those 5 train rides, i've read all but 14 pages of 'nine stories' by jd salinger that rt got me for my bday last week...i absolutely adore jd salinger...i wish he had more books out...i figure if i ride the train 3x a week, i can read a 250 page paperback no problem in one week...god knows i have plenty of unfinished books on my shelves...



been listening to:

difficult is easy--red monkey

gotham!--radio 4

telephono--spoon

where the change is--the flashing lights