I recently saw this on my beloved inspiration Jen Lemen's Flickr stream, and it hit me like a timely prophetic word. Dismantle Fear. DISMANTLE. FEAR. Yes, THAT is what I need to do. Take apart my fears one by one, render them powerless in my life. And maybe in doing so gain some hiddens morsels of insight as to who I am and where these fears have grown from and how to transplant courage and hope and trust and joy into those places where fear once had its roots.
Obviously, this will be no overnight task. You see, I am a woman of many fears. Spending your most formative years in a fundamentalist cult, being hurt in ways no child should ever be hurt, failing at relationships that you thought would last forever, watching your dad waste away before your very eyes. These are things that tend to plant seeds of fear in a person, seeds that eventually grow into stubborn weeds.
Well, I've started my personal process of Dismantling Fear, and I've decided to begin with the Fear of Not Being Worthy Of the Company I Keep. The lovely and talented Tracey of Mother May I presented me with the perfect opportunity to do this by inviting me to contribute to a new online community blog of women photographers called Shutter Sisters. When I looked at the list of amazing women who had already joined forces with Tracey, my first reaction was, "There's no way I'm good enough to be one of them. I'm just a cheesy mommyblogger!" I began my email to decline Tracey's offer. But then I realized that I have avoided being a part of anything that would potentially push my limits a bit and maybe, just maybe, make me GROW a little. I've always been so afraid of not being good enough. And yet, I knew from reading the blogs of these women that while they are intimidatingly talented, they are also kind and supportive and encouraging. So I said Yes to Tracey! And now I'm a Shutter Sister!
I am giddy with the prospects of collaborating with these women and other Shutter Sisters from all over the world, cyber and real. Please check us out! Better yet, join us!
...and it's mighty fine! That's right. I broke down and got me the Sigma 30mm f/1.4. Some of you may know that the lens I shoot with 95% of the time is my Nikkor 50mm f/1.8, and I truly, truly love that lens. For a hundred bucks, you're not going to get a better lens. The only downside is that because it's 50mm (which on my digital SLR equates to 75mm on a 35mm SLR), I'm always having to back way, way up to get the shot I want. That means arms-length self-portraits (like the one above) are out of the question.
With the 30mm, however, I can now get shots so much closer to the subject, like this one of Cadence who's doing her little "Mama, I'm tired" thing while holding onto my shirt. This is another shot I never could've taken w/ my 50mm.
Plus, I've been wanting to get more nursing photos before Cadence weans, and now I can take that myself no problemo.
I can't wait to try out this lens at a show. Now I'll be able to get the whole band in one shot without too much difficulty.
My bro-in-law Dave left a comment on this photo on Flickr wanting to know who authorized a haircut for Cadence, "especially in such a style." Ha ha! Truth is, it's a fake haircut. Her hair got stuck inside her turtleneck when I was getting her dressed, and I noticed it looked like she got a haircut, so I snapped a few shots. As IF. It's taken me FOREVER (okay, 3 years, not really forever) to get her hair long enough for pigtails and barrettes, so there's no way I'm letting a pair of scissors come near her head.
Yesterday was a truly blustery day. I had a migraine almost the whole day. Luckily, it was my day to telecommute, but still. Working with a migraine, even from the comfort of my sofa, kinda sucks bigtime. I was feeling well enough by around 5pm, so I took Cadence outside to play. Holy schmoles! I was NOT expecting it to be THAT cold. The sad thing is, it probably wasn't all that cold. Maybe in the high 40's with the wind chill, but compared to what we normally get in winter round these parts, not that cold in the grand scheme of things. I'm just not ready to let go of summer just yet...
So, I realize I take a lot of photos of Cadence (that would be the understatement of the year). And yet, I have to admit that sometimes I get these shots that just take my breath away. Like this one above here.
Or this one. She can be so cheesy sometimes, but it's really her serious, deep looks that pierce me in that maternal place in my heart.
So while we're on the topic of photos, it looks like a few of you have discovered that I'm working on a new photo gallery. I didn't mean it to get out there in public, as I'm still futzing around with it, but I've discovered a great little tool called Pictobrowser that lets you create a snazzy looking slideshow gallery of your Flickr photos based on a specific tag, group or set. I'm still playing around with it, but if you like, you can go take a looksy at my new photo gallery page over here.
Or just look at the example below:
What I like about Pictobrowser is its sleek design and no nonsense font and the fact that you can see the title of the photo if you hover over a thumbnail with your mouse, as well as give you a link to the actual Flickr page where the photo resides. The downside is that I can't figure out how to get more than 21 pages of photos to show up. Of course, it's kinda crazy to have 21 pages of photos of any category, but I take a lot of photos, ya know. Oh well. I guess I have to be more critical of the photos I put in these here galleries. Currently, I just have the one of some of my favorite photos taken after I switched to dSLR. I'm working on one for all of Cadence. And the one posted in this blog is of my nature shots. I'll probably do one of Chicago, or street photography, or something. I dunno...The possibilities are endless with Pictobrowser.
I recently got myself Marina's Underground Set List for Adobe Lightroom. These are basically different settings (presets) that can be applied to my RAW (uncompressed)images in Lightroom to achieve specific looks. They are a lot of fun to play with. You can apply the setting and then adjust the exposure, color, etc to make the photo look the way you want it to. The setting I used for this one is called Mello MaiTai3.
It kind of gives the photos an aged, yet dreamy feel to 'em, which I really like. For those of you who have cameras that can shoot in RAW format, I highly recommend it. You have much more options when you edit photos for correcting exposure and color and whatnot. I've been shooting exclusively in RAW since Lauren's wedding.
Something else that I continue to play with is getting a different angle or perspective on my photos by "shooting from the hip." Basically, that means shooting without looking through the viewfinder. I often put the camera all the way to the ground to get a bug's eye view, so to speak. My aim kinda sucks, so I never know what I'm gonna get.
Like this shot here...That's not what I was going for at all. I meant to get Cadence in the shot, but of course I was too close and my aim too poor. Still, I really like the result, which I think is more interesting than what I would've gotten had I actually gotten all of Cadence in the shot.
Go see more folks' Best Shots for the week on Tracey's Picture This!
For those who have been imprisoned by the U.S. government and TORTURED (just f*cking admit it, GW, it's TORTURE) so that we in the U.S. could be free to plunder the earth and revel in our gluttony.
For the familes who have been separated by the 38th parallel in North and South Koreas, and who may finally be reunited someday soon.
For those who are denied basic civil rights because of whom they love.
For those who have hidden behind false identies and lived in the shadows and in self-hatred all their lives out of fear of rejection and persecution.
For those who live in countries where it is a crime punishable by death to be who they are openly, and for those who live in countries where they are supposedly free to be who they are, and yet who are still punished by death.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008 at 11:39PM 
