Love Thursday--Love Is Love Is Love (Part 2)

It's Love Thursday over on Shutter Sisters, so go check it out.

For my Love is Love is Love (Part 1) post, click here.

I had a long talk with my mother yesterday while she was over at our place. It probably was not the typical conversation you would expect between a daughter and her conservative evangelical Christian Korean mom. It had to do with her attitudes towards homosexuality. I think it was a mutually enlightening and shocking talk for the both of us. Shocking to her because she had no idea how strongly I felt about most churches' stance on and attitudes towards the LGBT community, and shocking to me because I had no idea how misinformed she was regarding homosexuality.

The reason I brought this topic up with her is that I've been wondering about the prevalence of Koreans coming out as LGBT in Korea and in the U.S., especially among the Korean Christian church subculture. While I do not make light of the persecution and discrimination faced by those who are LGBT in any culture, I can't help wonder about their experience in Korean culture because that is something I happen to be familiar with. Koreans are deeply ingrained in Confucianism, and reverence for elders and conformity to familial and society's expectations are deeply held values, while individuality is not. I know so many Koreans even here in the U.S. who repressed their artistic inclinations and dreams to become the doctors and lawyers and financial planners that their parents desired. I used to know a guy (Korean) whose parents threatened to commit double suicide at his wedding because he was marrying someone whose social class and educational background weren't good enough for them. And you thought those Korean soap operas were being melodramatic…

So my mom said that as far as she knew, people coming out openly as being LGBT was becoming more common in Korea, but that to her it was unheard of among Korean Christians in the U.S. That latter part is a bit dubious to me, and I would attribute it to either kids not telling their parents for fear of being disowned, of disappointing their parents, of rejection, etc. or to parents being too ashamed to talk about it and pretending it isn't true.

When I asked my mother point blank what she thought about the treatment of LGBT people by the church, she said it was something that she didn't feel the need to think about. The insinuation was that she didn't think it was that big of a deal, it didn't concern her, and she didn't feel like it was an issue deserving of her time and effort. I was flabbergasted. She was basically saying that she didn't care.

And I am afraid that she is not the only one amongst those deeply entrenched in the Christian subculture. Now I think I get it, how so many churches can stand by and do nothing while a significant segment of humanity is persecuted, harassed, discriminated against, and not afforded the basic right to be who they are—openly and without fear. It's because so many are misinformed, ignorant of facts, and too uncomfortable with the subject to realize that this is something they should care about.

Here is a list of a few things my mother was unaware of or misinformed about to give you an idea:

• Until recently, she didn't realize that being gay could be inborn. She thought it was deviant behavior born of deviant choices, and I'm pretty sure she would attribute it to demons. And while she now acknowledges that some people are born gay, she still thought this was the minority and that the vast majority of homosexuals could be "cured" through prayer and counseling if they REALLY wanted to change. She really believes that ex-gay ministries are successful.

• She let it slip that she believed AIDS to be a "gay" disease and in some way evidence that God condemns homosexuality.
  

• She thought homosexuality was just about physical sex. It didn't occur to her that homosexuals fall in love like heterosexuals do and that there's so much more to it than sex. I asked her if sex was the first and only thing on her mind when she had experienced falling in love or being attracted to someone, and she sort of got my point, but I could tell she still found it hard to believe that two people of the same sex could love each other the way heterosexuals do.

• She had no idea that there was even a debate on what the Bible actually says about homosexuality. This is a very common misconception. Something that doesn't really get discussed very often in fundamentalist or even Evangelical Christian churches is that the Bible WAS NOT WRITTEN IN ENGLISH!!!!!!! This may seem like an obvious thing, but when you're raised in the church, and that printed book so revered and idolized by everyone who has authority over you says that HOMOSEXUALS are going to hell, it doesn't occur to you that the word being translated as HOMOSEXUAL could mean something entirely different from the idea of a loving, committed relationship between two people of the same sex. There is, in fact, quite a bit of debate on what the Bible says about homosexuality (the very little it supposedly gets addressed at all), and I think that many, if not most, evangelicals assume that only liberal (and therefore unbiblical) Christians would go so far as to believe that the Bible does not condemn homosexuality as a sin.

And yet, I have hope. My mother didn't shut down the conversation, for one thing, and while she said she was shocked at my level of conviction, she did ask me for some books to help her better understand the issue. And while maybe she may not become the next Peggy Campolo (Tony Campolo's wife) of the Korean community, I can hope and pray that with a dispelling of myths and lies, and by hearing the stories of real people, that she will at least have more compassion for the LGBT community and have the courage to encourage those in her community and circle of relationships to do so as well.

Love Thursday--Love Is Love Is Love (Part 1)

It's Love Thursday over on Shutter Sisters, so go check it out.

The image above is something I shot back in my filmSLR days of old. I stumbled upon this little anonymous tree-hugging love offering while visiting a friend in River North probably back in 2001. The reason I chose this image is because I've been wanting for a really, really long time to write about a topic I call Love is Love is Love (borrowed from Margaret Cho.) Yes, I'm talking about homosexuality and lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgendered/transsexual rights.

All you liberal, humanity-loving, diversity-embracing bloggy friends of mine may wonder why I even bother to post about this. Shouldn't it be a given that Love is Love is Love? Yeah. I know. I'm actually writing this because I come from a conservative Evangelical Christian background, and I want to do a few things.

First, I want to let my more conservative-leaning readers and friends know how I got to believe what I believe on this topic. Many of them knew me back when I was a card-carrying Evangelical, and even then I felt uncomfortable w/ the standard church teaching on this topic, and maybe some of them have the same questions I had and I want them to dig deeper and seek answers outside what the church would say. Yes, I want to challenge them, but as lovingly and humbly as I can.

Second, I want my friends and loved ones in the LGBT community to know that it IS in fact possible for a Christian to change his or her mind on this issue (I'm a prime example) and to hold onto the hope that someday they will be welcomed by the Christian community with open arms without condemnation.

Third, this is something that has weighed heavily on my heart for a few years now, and I believe very strongly that it is the prodding of the Holy Spirit. Excuse me for falling back into Evangelical jargon, but I have felt for a long time the Holy Spirit saying to me that the church's stance on homosexuality is going to be the next big shift, such as slavery and racism and the role of women were in the past. I realize that not ALL churches have changed their stances on these other issues, but for the most part the church (and I guess I'm talking mainly Protestant here) has changed its original views on these topics, even though they had once used the Bible to justify such things as slavery, racism and the submission of women.

Fourth, I'm writing about this because people are being beaten and killed because of of their sexual orientation. Now, I've said before that I believe the devil wrote the sinner's prayer, and this--this homophobia based on a few verses in Scripture that even the Biblical scholars can't agree upon, this homophobia that has historically been sanctioned by so many churches and Christian--it smells pretty devilish to me.

Anyhoo, I won't get into it all now as I'm out of time for blogging, but this will be my first installment of probably several posts over the next few weeks.

Best Shot(s) Monday--Advent

Our family has been attending Berry United Methodist Church for a little over 2 years now. We missed the first two weeks of Advent, but I brought my camera to church yesterday and I captured some shots.

One of the things I love about our church is how creative people are. Here's Matt. Not only is he the frontman for the much beloved indie rock band Anathallo, he is also a master at making origami flowers. He made a ton of them for our congregation to hang on our own version of the Jesse Tree to symbolize this week's advent theme of Joy.

I also love the fact that our pastor, Sherrie Lowly, dances with the kids during the service just about every Sunday. Here she is doing laps while dancing with Cadence and Rudden. I've met few pastors who are as compassionate and mindful of children as they are of the adults in the congregations as Sherrie is.

We may not be a large congregation, but I love the warmth and openness and humility i see in the folks who do show up on a regular basis. I've learned so much from being in their midst.

I am so thankful to have found a community where I feel like I can lay down roots, where I know the arms of welcome will be open wide to anyone and everyone, whether they be agnostic with Taoist sensibilities, a recovering evangelical still full of doubts and questions, or a boisterous 3 year old who can't sit still. Most churches these days make me feel downright uncomfortable, so to have found one that feels like home is not something to sneeze at.

Go see other folks' Best Shots on Tracey's Picture This.

Thoughts on Emergence

I don't always talk explicitly about faith or God, but that doesn't mean I don't think about them. In fact, I think about them a lot. You see, my dad was a pastor. Even before he was officially ordained in the Association of Vineyard Churches, he was more involved in ministry than some full-time pastors.

There's a lot of baggage that comes with being raised "in the ministry," and I tried walking away from the whole faith, God and church thing. I tried and I failed.

Although I really tried to kick the whole organized religion thing in the shins, I just could not get over this growl of a conviction that at the heart of who Jesus was and is, there lay the key to unlocking the door to my deepest self.

I can't explain it. I've just always known since I was a little girl that I came from God. I've always known that there was something that connected me to God, even as an adult when I was trying to escape the whole "God" thing.

A few years ago, I discovered the Emergent/Emerging church. There's a lot of opinions on what the Emergent church is, some positive and some negative. To me, it's a conversation among a diverse group of folks in the Christian tradition who're trying to work out the whole faith thing in a holistic manner and trying to do it politely and lovingly and gently.

Anyhoo, one of the reasons I'm thinking about all this stuff is that I don't want to impart to Cadence the same baggage I experienced growing up in a spiritual environment that made me feel judged and never good enough. And yet, I do want to impart SOMETHING to her when it comes to faith.

Well, it just so happens that the Emergent folks are starting a new blog for parents called Emerging Parents, "a safe place for those involved in the emerging church conversation to explore holistic parenting ideas." I'm hoping to hear other folks' stories and maybe get some ideas on how to impart faith without the baggage to Cadence.

*Heart*strings

Today is the five-year anniversary of the day my dad died. Yesterday would have been his 69th birthday. We went to the cemetery with my mom and brother yesterday early evening. I hadn't been there in a long time. I understand that some people derive comfort or the fulfillment of some sense of obligation or duty by visiting their loved ones' gravesites. I used to think that I would too, but every time I would visit, all I felt was a big emptiness, so I stopped going except to accompany my mom on momentous occasions.

There is a part of me that is irreparably wounded due to the experience of watching my father die. In some ways, I've closed the door to that compartment of my heart that is made of a mangled, bloody mess. I don't talk about it to my mom or my brother or anyone else. I don't talk about it even to myself. And I'm okay with that for right now.

I happened to be driving behind this truck going down Devon Ave on Sunday afternoon. I've seen it parked in our neighborhood, and it always makes me mad, like what the f*ck do YOU care where I'd go if I were to die today? Can you do a scan of my soul and tell me whether I'd make the cut? I'd really like to write a letter to stick beneath the windshield wiper that says, 'I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND, WHERE ELSE YOU MORON?!' It really annoys me when Christians use fear to coerce people into "saying the sinner's prayer."

Well, my dad DID die one night 5 years ago, so where did he go? To be with Jesus, I suppose, but WTF does that MEAN? I don't understand what Heaven is. I don't understand Eternity. I don't understand why every day I wake up and I still can't believe my dad's not alive. I still see him in my dreams a couple times a week, and he's so real that when I wake up to the reality that it was only a dream, it's like another little kick in the gut. Not quite the kick in the gut as when he REALLY died five years ago, but nevertheless, a little kick.

And yet, there is a part of me that can't help but believe that someday I will see my dad again. That someday, he will get to hold his granddaughter whom he's never met, whom he would have fallen totally head-over-heels in love with, more so than he ever had with me. I don't know how all that works out logistically; I mean, I would like Cadence to have a long and healthy life, so I don't know if she'd be a little girl in heaven or a grown-up version or what, and I'm starting to sound really crazy as I'm writing this, but it's my blog and I can be deranged if I want to, I guess.