i saw like a totally awesome band last night @ gunther murphy's. they're called zapruder point. i don't know how to really describe it because i don't really know what i'm talking about when it comes to music. the only thing that comes to mind is death cab for cutie stripped down meets songs: ohia. sometimes even a bit damien juradoish. maybe a little pedro. maybe even a bit of red house painters. simon joyner? i dunno. who cares anyway. all i know is that i totally loved the sound!!!!!!! the front man is dan phillips, a close friend of jenn sampson & john roberts who i used to go to church w/. i was actually having dinner w/ jenn & we met up w/ john at gunther murphys for the show.



it's always so refreshing to hear intelligent music that you also LIKE listening to. i bought the 2 cds they had (one of which was a double cd so i guess that's really 3 cds). i've listened to it all and i really really like it. the opening act (the radio show or radio hour or something to that effect) was rather disappointing, and i was pretty bored by the time zapruder point got on. i hadn't taken even one photo by this point, that's how uninspired i was feeling. but as soon as dan started playing that 2string guitar, i was sold. i also love his voice. dan's bandmates casey on violin and thomas on drums--those guys were totally cool. they just all 3 had a really good energy about them. and dan's a funny guy too when he just talks in between songs.



you all should know by now that i'm fond of bands that use violins. so when jenn told me there was one in this band, i knew i'd probably like it. casey was totally AWESOME on that violin. i grew up w/ a brother who played violin & a best friend who played violin, and an aunt who TAUGHT violin, so i was pretty much violined out in my life until recently when i started hearing them in bands like bright eyes, ticklepenny corner, and now zapruder point. god bless the violin! that's all i have to say about that.



anyways, i got to see zapruder point because i had dinner w/ jenn sampson. i went to vineyard w/ jenn & her husband john roberts a while back. they were two people whom i could count on to not be stuffy cookie cutter christians, which is why i got in contact w/ jenn recently because i feel the need to spend more time w/ folks like that. they're also a blast to hang out w/. and jenn is like a gourmet cook! she made me homemade pizza w/ sundried tomatoes and this brocolliroccoli something or another that looks like broccoli but it's bitter. i like the bitter veggies. it was awesome!! AND there was chocolate meringue pie!!! those of you who know jenn know to never ever say no to her cooking, esp. to her desserts. so w/ the food & the music last night, it was one of my better evenings in a long time.



so okay, i took today off cuz it's gonna be 88 and sunny, and i don't like being at work on days when it's 88 and sunny. i really need to go renew my drivers license & state plates before i get stopped again so i'll be prepared next time. and tim & i are going to see black rebel motorcycle club downtown this late afternoon so i need to be ready to be stopped by the cops. doing all that driving, you know how it is--your chances for being ticketed increase proportionally. i need to go find me a pool that's open today...



recent soundtrack:

low resolution discs one & two--zapruder point

the limitations of the source tape--zapruder point

yankee hotel foxtrot--wilco

being there disc one--wilco

amelia's boot--erik brandt & the urban hillbilly quartet (like a zillion times)

sunday's best--ticklepenny corner

audible sigh--vol

excuses for travelers--mojave3

of joy & sorrow--denison witmer

s/t--claire holley

luxuria--stickman jones

real men cry--lost dogs

audio lessonover?--delirious

the truth about us--tim easton

s/t--boom bang zoom (heeheehee)

i have spoken--framing amy

so last night i'm driving westbound on lake ave going to my mom's in glenview from the city. it's about 12:30am, and i'm at the stoplight at lake & sunset ridge blvd. i look in the rearview mirror and make out the shape of sirens on top of the car directly behind me, and i get "that feeling." i drive the speed limit, pass waukegan, and sure enough, blinding red white and blue lights engulf me, and so i pull over. the glenview officer walks over to my window, and i smile as innocently as i can (which can be quite innocent, by the way), and his face softens as he greets me and informs me that i was doing 48 in a 35mph zone. of course i never look at my spedometer, so i can't dispute this. he asks for my license & insurance card, which i have, thank god, and i'm relieved he doesn't ask for registration cuz i have no idea where the heck that thing is. he looks at my stuff, gives back my insurance card, and asks me, "do you know your license is expired?" and i am genuinely surprised because i had TOTALLY forgotten. i almost mention that things had been crazy--my dad just died, i'm going through a divorce, etc., but i decide those are things i'd rather not share and just apologize for being a ditz. he tells me to wait and takes my license back to his squad car.



i sit still and turn on claire holley, the most innocent sweetest sounding cd i have in my cd changer. i'm not really feeling scared or nervous or even embarrassed at this point. i haven't gotten a ticket in like 8 years, so i'm thinking i was pretty lucky considering i am constantly breaking traffic laws. the officer comes back and tells me he's not going to give me a ticket but just a written warning, even though my license was expired, and tells me to hurry up and get that renewed. now i would like to think that it was my innocent looking face and the claire holley that prevented him from giving me a ticket, but it was probably my almost perfect driving record (1 moving violation in over a decade of being a licensed driver is not so shabby). i am relieved and make a mental note that i had better get my plates renewed before this month is over and i get stopped again. so if officer #127 of the glenview police department is reading this, THANK YOU. you can stop me and give me a written warning any time as long as you don't give me a ticket.



besides that excitement of the evening, the other highlight of the day was a voicemail i got from my best friend josh in new york. he literally throws me a "surprise" 30th bday party in the message, and i have to laugh because only josh would think of doing that. i called him back & we had a nice long talk, like the good old days when i'd sit in my car & he'd sit somewhere in california and we'd just shoot the breeze and laugh and laugh some more.



i talked to josh about how i didn't want to celebrate my birthday because of my dad not being around, and how these days it seems that i don't really want to be with anyone or talk to anyone outside my mom & my brother & tim & a couple other people, maybe. when i'm actually with people, i don't mind and i like their company and everything, but when i'm on my own, i really don't feel like actively seeking out other people's company. i really like being alone, doing my own thing, not having to worry about other people.



we talked about how much i'm enjoying my new adventure at wildwood, how i absolutely love tim's boys and how healing it's been for me to just be around a dad w/ his kids. that part's kind of hard to explain. you'd think that i'd be more sad and miss my dad even more seeing tim w/ his boys. but it's actually the opposite. being around them reminds me of my dad and how much he loved me, and i feel closer to my dad when i'm over at wildwood. tim may think i keep showing up because i'm really excited to be helping out and learning about the music industry and all that jazz, and that's all true, but another factor is the sense of healing and joy i get when i'm there and because i'm reminded of my father's love just by watching tim love his boys.



i really miss josh. it was hard letting him & lielle move to new york back in march and then within days move out on my own and see my dad go back in the hospital at the same time. we both knew march and april would be hard months for me, but i don't think we had any idea just exactly HOW hard it would be. but we also know things are going to get better, and they already are in some respects. josh has seen me through a LOT this past year. but then again, i saw him through just as much i suppose. it's been a crazy year for us both...



soundtrack yesterday--

yankee hotel foxtrot--wilco

sunday's best--ticklepenny corner

farmhouse--phish

your favorite music--clem snide

the ghost of tom joad--bruce springsteen

abbey road--the beatles

amelia's boot--erik brandt & the urban hillbilly quartet

faith and devotions of a satellite heart--the violet burning

blinding bright--stickman jones

saturday night's mark eitzel concert--a singer/songwriter named tim easton opened up for him w/ an acoustic set. i had never heard of him before, but i have to admit i was quite impressed. i'm a sucker for acoustic singer/songwriters. this one was much more along the lines of folk/americana/alt country than, say, denison witmer. his voice reminded me kind of david gray with a hint of bob dylan. his cd the truth about us (which he had help w/ from wilco & victoria williams) employs a full band for the most part and is excellent. i had a chance to talk to him a little bit after the show when i was buying his cd (which we had to go out to his car for), and he was totally approachable & personable. he's definitely worth checking out. hopefully he'll be back in chicago sometime in the near future.



i was excited to see mark eitzel for the first time live. mark was the frontman for american music club, one of the bands that i highly respect and recommend but for some reason don't find myself listening to as much as i want to (those "A" cds are at the top of the rack and often go overlooked...cuz i'm short...). anyways, mark & his guitar--it was AMAZING. i actually stopped taking photographs at a certain point, leaned myself against a post and just soaked in the music basically mesmerized. mark is so passionate when he performs--you can see the spit flying--he's so expressive, you can FEEL how much he cares about his songs and what he's singing about. there were several songs that basically totally silenced the room, and this does not happen often even at schubas, which is usually a pretty well-behaved crowd but still has a low buzz conversation going on most of the time. you could just feel people's hearts being gripped. i was very very much moved by some of his songs, and he did a lot of my favorite american music club songs. i still get chills thinking about this performance...



alright. so sunday morning, i did actually wake up in time to make it to life on the vine, tim's church. my mom, my good friends jane hong & eric& candy fehrenbacher also went w/ me. the people were extremely friendly and made us feel at home. and watching tim preach--it was like seeing an old friend up there, not some strange pastor dude. tim's pretty good at talking too, so it was all good. i was just glad he had a chance to meet my mom & some of my friends. i had a really good feeling about the church...which is strange because i don't really like churches these days. well, it's good to know i have a place where i won't feel weird to go sundays when i stay over in glenview at my mom's and can't make it down to hyde park.



sunday evening my mom made me do a birthday thing w/ some family & folks from church. i wasn't really in the celebratory mood because i didn't want to do anything without my dad, but i let my mom (& my friend chris pak who hosted) do this for me. it was actually quite lovely. and i got some great gifts--a lot of which was associated w/ either photography or music. i totally got a bunch of stuff i was going to be needing to go to cornerstone in july, and my brother even got me a MONOPOD. i've been wanting and needing one of these for my concert photography!! i was pretty ecstatic. now i have to figure out how the hell to use it.



today, my family went to visit my dad's gravesite. i didn't really want to go. i understand the symbolism and everything, but i can't help thinking that my dad's not there--i just don't see him hanging out at the cemetary, ya know? but i guess we need a place to go to remember him. i do look for him though in other places. when i'm driving around, doing a photo shoot, when i go to church, even when i'm doing my concerts cuz i figure by now jesus might have told him what i'm up to. i really wonder what he's doing these days. i can't even imagine what goes on up there. i miss him a lot, and i wonder if he's capable of missing me if heaven's supposed to have no pain or sorrow--does missing someone count? i feel so desperate sometimes for my dad...and with things w/ bruce the way they are, i sometimes feel like tossed out chewed up gum on the sidewalk.



well, off to a bbq...



soundtrack of late--

the truth about us--tim easton

yankee hotel foxtrot*--wilco

being there disc 1 & 2--wilco

wrecking ball--emmylou harris

till we have faces--over the rhine

life of david--michael knott

s/t--claire holley

silent planet records beat compilation--various artists

pastemusic.com sampler #?--various artists

blinding bright--stickman jones

faith & devotions of a satellite heart--the violet burning

see...--the ocean blue



*i just realized these are the international phonetics initials for YHF (used in aviation & general radio communications). that's what my email address is by the way (sierrajuliettromeo), my international phonetics initials (SJR). and wilco is standard radioese for "will comply." hmm..one of those guys must be into aviation or something. hey, josh, are you reading this?

my mom just turned on the stickman jones cd AGAIN...ok, now she's just asking for it. i'm getting out of the house NOW before all the sad songs come on. that reminds me, i gotta recharge my battery...

it's saturday afternoon, the day before my 30th birthday...i am missing my dad a lot...i'm afraid of what tomorrow will bring emotionally. maybe i'll just get it all over with today when i won't be seeing anyone...i don't want to turn 30 without my dad around. i don't want to celebrate anything without my dad around. i am feeling empty and lost all over again, but i won't cry because i just did my makeup and it's bad enough doing it once i won't do it again so i'll hold back the tears and let all my emotions accumulate into a lump in my throat and an anvil in my heart no i won't cry.



if i'm like this for just my birthday, i don't know what i'm going to do on father's day...i think i'll just get drunk that saturday night and stay drunk all of sunday. or i could do one of my 48 hours w/ no sleep just prior to it and sleep all that sunday. but if i were to stay sober and awake, i wonder what would go through my mind. i think i'll want to be alone; i know my mom will want me near on that day, but i don't have any comfort to give. even today, i found my mom quietly sobbing as she listened to stickman jones's blinding bright cd. stupid me, i forgot about all those songs on there that can be potential arrows for someone who's just lost the love of her life. when i saw her crying, i turned around and went back upstairs and holed myself up in one of the bedrooms waiting for her to stop. i've been up here for quite a while now. i feel bad that i can't offer my own mother the comfort she needs. i have no excuse except that i just can't for some reason. i know i talked to rand about this before, about loving my mom without my dad around...everything is hard without my dad...



tonight i will go and see mark eitzel and take some photos. tomorrow morning i will be at tim's church. tomorrow evening i will put on a happy face and smile and eat cake.



soundtrack so far:

audio lessonover?--delirious

amelia's boot--erik brandt & the urban hillbilly quartet

bringing it all back home--bob dylan

retrospective disc 1--red house painters

in a fading breath--the mcclurg family singers

blinding bright--stickman jones