i know, i know...it’s been a million years since i last blogged, but you would not believe the hell that i’ve gone through these past several days so give me a break, eh? it’s like really really late (or early depending on how you look at it) and i really have to sleep, so here are a few parting comments which i will elaborate on when i’m functionally awake enough and have the time. 1) back up your files!!!!!! 2) i love uncommon ground!! 3) i love schubas (especially taking photos of live music there)!! 4) the six parts seven make me want to run and dance and spin barefoot through a field of wildflowers and then fall to the ground flat on my back and look up at the blue blue sky and the puffy white clouds floating by until the vertigo wears off...5) swearing at motorists (at least the dave doughman half) ROCKS!! dave is literally a one-man show. 6) 764-hero are LOUD!!! and cool ! 7) wear earplugs if you’re going to stand way in front for a 764-hero show! 8) if you set your alarm to a cd and you really REALLY intend to get up (on time) in the morning or whenever you set your alarm for, put in 764-hero or swearing @ motorists and NOT the six parts seven; if getting up to the alarm is optional, then definitely put in the 6/7 and play it as you peacefully drift off to sleep. 9) my “boss?tim white of wildwood is the COOLEST!!! 10) i miss my dad...



and here's what i've been listening to these past few days, at least what i remember--

self-titled -- stuart davis (i love this cd more & more each time i listen to it)

mermaid ave ii -- billy bragg & wilco

real men cry -- lost dogs (i absolutely LOVE singing along to this one, much to my brother's lament i'm sure)

self-titled -- claire holley

self-titled -- the trouble with sweeney

silence magnifies sound -- the 6 parts 7 (these guys are totally awesome! and they're such nice boys too.)

things shaped in passing -- the 6 parts 7

words for loss for words -- beki hemingway

i break chairs -- damien jurado

a golden field of radioactive crows -- the 77's

blue plate special -- rick altizer

it's been a gorgeous couple of days here in the windy city. yesterday was a tad chilly, but the sunshine dancing in and out of the mountain ranges and lakes and oceans of clouds was still enough to put me in the photo snapping mood. i think that downtown chicago along the river on a partly cloudy afternoon like yesterday is just absolutely spectacular and overwhelming from a visual stand point. that golden light of still not-yet-summer late afternoon shimmering on the surface of the river that is framed by massive steel bridges of various colors surrounded by gargantuan glass structures reflecting a million distorted moods, and the people swarming in all directions in the afterwork rush towards bars, workouts, lovers, families, solitude, and other symptoms of a meaningful life--it is all so beautiful, it is all so sad, it is all so ridiculous. and it is all great captured on a compact flash card.



the reason i was downtown yesterday was that i had to pick up my friend jane who had club level seats to the white sox-texas rangers game. this was my first time going to comiskey and i was excited, not because it was baseball, not because it's the white sox, and definitely not because it was the texas rangers, but just because it was something i've never done before. i have to say that i was pretty impressed w/ comiskey. i think i spent more time wandering the stadium than i did watching the game. and the sunset was just absolutely gorgeous. i think i would go to games just to be able to look at the sunset, the downtown skyline after dark, and the wacky reflections on the mirrored windows of comiskey. i didn't think i'd take so many pictures there but i literally maxed out the compact flash card i'd brought and had to start deleting stuff off of it.



i have to say that having club level seats makes a world of difference compared to the only other times i've been to baseball games at wrigley field. the hallway outside these sections were frickin?carpeted, and the bathrooms were CLEAN. when i go to a baseball field, plush carpet under my feet and clean bathrooms are NOT what i'm thinking about or expecting. it was an interesting experience i suppose. oh, the sox won, but i couldn't tell you the score.



today was another gorgeous gorgeous day and i drove w/ my windows rolled down blasting the VoL as i made my way to rural illinois to chat w/ tim white of wildwood agency whom i’m interning for because i have nothing better to do with my life. actually, this is exactly what i’d been hoping for, never dreaming it would really happen, that someone in the music business would take me under their wings and teach me the ropes. true, this is not a paying gig in the monetary sense of the word, and i’m not quitting my day job, but i just know i’m going to love being a part of what tim’s doing and what he’s going to be doing in the future w/ wildwood. fyi, if you want to know more about wildwood, you can go to their website by clicking here. go read their vision statement, and you’ll understand why this place is a good fit for me. not only that, tim is totally fun to hang out with and knows exactly how to affirm and encourage me. i don’t have to put up any fluff around who i really am with him. he’s like the physical embodiment of god’s love for me and further evidence that god really does want me to be happy, even if i may not know exactly what “happy" looks or feels like. needless to say, “grateful" is an understatement for how i feel about this opportunity.



today’s soundtrack:

mermaid avenue—billy bragg & wilco

summershine—vigilantes of love

rave unto the joy fantastic--prince

amelia’s boot—erik brandt & the urban hillbilly quartet

luxuria—stickman jones

self-titled—claire holley

a golden field of radioactive crows—the 77’s

real men cry—lost dogs

alrighty folks as of today the archive pages are officially working, good riddance. from now on, you will only see the last 10 posts on this page. you'll have to go to the archives for older posts. click on that little past posts link up there to see posts that are not on this page. now that i'm not forcing you to download a zillion bytes of data for the blogger page, it should open up a lot quicker. that's like the big news of the day.



i had stuff i wanted to post earlier but i forgot because i didn't write it down. i swear, my brain is like a sieve for the kitchen of a giant (i.e., the holes are really big). oh well. so goes life. next time i won't say to myself, "oh, i'll remember this. i don't need to write it down." actually, to be totally honest, i probably will say that a whole bunch more times. i'm sure i've had at least a couple million dollar ideas escape through one of those holes in my brain in my lifetime.



html coding has fried my brain sunnyside up and so i'm gonna quit for tonight.



today's soundtrack:

misc denison witmer songs

dear life - the trouble with sweeney

tonight i’m at my mom’s house...it feels weird to just call it my mom’s house... would it be strange if i kept calling it my parents’ house? i think that’s what i’ll do. it’ll feel less empty to think of this as still my dad’s house too. i brought a suitcase of extra clothes just so i’ll have some here when i need it if i decide to stay overnight every now and then. i inherited my dad’s drawer space & closet space. i felt numb as i removed his clothing to make room for mine, and i knew that even if i couldn’t feel it, i was walking around with an open wound that was leaving a silent trail of blood. it reminded me of the time my freshman year of high school when i accidentally sliced my finger open and there was blood everywhere but i couldn’t feel the cut and wondered why in the world my english book and the carpet around me were splattered with fresh red blood and whose it might be, not realizing that my left index finger had a cut that would require 5 stitches. you know, i think a part of me is still in denial about the whole thing. i feel like my dad’s simply gone on a trip and that he’ll be back one of these days. the idea about him being dead still really confuses the hell out of me.



someone gave my mom a video of my dad’s funeral, and we watched it at my uncle’s house tonight w/ my mom’s brother who was visiting this weekend from korea and my cousin sherline who had missed the service. even as i watched the service and heard for the first time what i’d actually said during the time of remembrance, i was numb. i don’t know when this ice is going to thaw and the emotions are going to surface at which time i’ll have to learn to swim through it all. honestly, i’m not looking forward to it. maybe i’ll get through this life without having to ever feel it. i’d probably have to live a really short life for that to be true, but who knows. it’s not like i can control this stuff. or can i?



today was my 2nd sunday at church at the hyde park vineyard. i ran into jesh & jessie suk on my way in. it was nice to see them again. i’ve known them since they were in jr. high, and i remember when they first started dating back in their early teenage years. to see them all grown up and married and doing well—it made me feel kind of, uhm, aged. but it was nice to have a couple familiar faces, and they don’t come any nicer than jesh & jessie.



regarding this whole return to church thing, i was telling my pastor rand (it feels weird to have a pastor...but if i’m gonna have one it might as well be rand) in an email the other day that even though i’m sticking my feet back in church, that i didn’t plan on deliberate behavioral modifications. in fact, i told him that i will deliberately NOT make changes in behavior, because in the past when i did that i ended up looking okay on the outside to myself and other people, when inside i wasn’t actually being sincere about what i was doing and my heart never changed. so this time, i want any changes to take place from the inside out, and to be honest, i’m not going to be making a special effort to change. all i’m going to do is to have an open heart and open mind and give god the flashing yellow to proceed slowly. i’m still really scared about this whole church thing. i know some people would say, “well how can you put conditions like that on god? if you’re really going to let him be god, shouldn’t you just let him do as he wishes?” yeah, well, like whatever. if god doesn’t like it he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want. and i’m going to do the same. that’s where i am and i won’t pretend otherwise. i’m not at the total surrender “ok, god, do whatever you want however you want” stage. it’s not like i’m trying to boss god around—i’m just being honest about what i feel comfortable with. i think he can provide reasonable accommodation for that. if he can’t, well, like i’ve been saying, i’ll be moseyin’ right along then.



in the meantime, here’s an article i found about u2 and their faith. it’s food for thought and a challenge to the church that would try to put believers in boxes made of christian walls and borders. and god is in the box, yes, but he is infinitely bigger than the box that he's oozing everywhere else outside the realm of that finite space delineated by many in the church at large, whether protestant, catholic or orthodox. i believe that many (not all, but many) in the christian world, try to limit god to that christian box, and it's a lovely jewel studded box, but god wasn't made for boxes and neither were we. at least i don't think i was. i mean, if someone wants to stay within the nice safe boundaries of a box, fine. that's their choice, but don't be grabbing god and other people by the collar and stuffing them in boxes that are way too small and symmetrical for them.



today’s soundtrack:

fevers and mirrors – bright eyes

self-titled – stuart davis

words for loss for words – beki hemingway

faith and devotions of a satellite heart – the violet burning

the green fury – matt pond PA

blogging soundtrack:

ask me tomorrow (cd) – mojave 3

alright. it's really sunday 5.12.2002 around 2am but i'm posting this as a 5.11 post just because...



well, yesterday was friday and i went back to work for the first time. it was weird...you don't want to look people in the eye because you feel awkward for their awkwardness at not knowing what to say because there really is nothing for them to say because your father just died and what do you say to that? i managed to get through the day with my door closed and having to talk to only 3 people or so. i mainly only went through my email (my mailbox had maxed out while i was gone) and voicemail (i forgot to change my outgoing message so i had 24 new messages--could've been worse).



today was the rainiest saturday in recent chicago history. it rained and rained and rained and then it rained some more then it thundered and lightninged and then it rained and then it drizzled. i sat in on a breakfast meeting between my "boss" tim white (of wildwood agency) and michael cameron of uncommon ground and basically listened in fascination as they talked music business. hopefully i'll actually have something to contribute as tim's new intern. i mean, all i know is i love music and i love photography and i love indie artists. hopefully, that'll count for something. tim is really a great guy--he knows just how to make a person feel comfortable and he's been a great source of encouragement to me these past couple of weeks. i know that working with him will probably be one of those milestones in my life when i learn yet again that there's more to me than meets even my own eye.



i went to the mayday/good life/bright eyes concert at the empty bottle. it was my first time shooting at this venue, and i have to say it was the most difficult show i've done so far. the lighting was so dim that i had a really hard time getting anything to come out. besides the difficulty shooting pictures, though, the music was awesome! the entire concert was more of a collective of musician friends playing together than 3 separate bands. i really really really like conor oberst's (bright eyes) songwriting. his lyrics are the type of poetry i love, the kind that makes your heart skip a beat, the kind that sheds light on a part of your soul that you hadn't seen before, the kind that gives you a high where you can actually feel yourself floating almost out of your body through your attic roof into the big big night sky where you dance among the stars in slow motion. it was a sweet treat to be able to hear him live.



today's soundtrack:

self-titled - stuart davis

words for loss for words - beki hemingway

pigeon's throat - al rose

self-titled ep - the trouble with sweeney



blogging soundtrack:

old blood - mayday