Saturday, December 21, 2002 at 10:04AM 
so thursday night i got my new tv for my dvd player. how'd i get it up the stairs? well, my friend ted, who's the drummer for watchers, was nice enough to come over and carry the darn thing up to my attic apartment. ted actually has a vested interest in my getting a tv. we have this agreement that since he's never seen the 1st lord of the rings, we're gonna watch it at my place on dvd and then immediately after, run out to the theatre to see the new one (two towers). so yeah, we got the tv up the stairs, hooked it up to the dvd, popped in iron monkey, hit play, and uh looked at static...well, we tried...we failed...after ted left, i actually read the manual and realized i hadn't pressed the tv/video button, and voila! iron monkey!
so after work friday, i went to facets multimedia to get a xmas present and some dvds...just a few meters shy of their front door, as i was crossing fullerton, i had an experience i've never had before...some car came out of nowhere at a high speed passing the stopped cars on the right and as it screeched to a halt, it knocked me to the ground...it all happened so fast, but in that last split second when i saw the car coming and i knew i was gonna get hit, it was the weirdest experience...i didn't really get hurt--skinned & bruised left knee is about it, thank goodness--but in that very moment just prior to getting hit, i didn't know that i would come out of that experience ok, and i had the sensation of imminent danger...it's amazing how your brain processes moments like that...it's not something i want to experience like ALL the time, but having gone through it, i can appreciate it. mainly just cuz it's like nothing i've experienced before.
so i get home and pop in one of the dvds i got, and it just so happened to be waking life, the animated film by the dude who did slackers and dazed & confused...i had no idea what this movie was about, and i was immediately drawn into it...it was all about the dream world...which was so weird because ted & i had spent so much time last week talking about that. it was an absolutely gorgeous movie...if you haven't seen it, go rent it right now...i'm gonna buy me a copy because i think i need to see it multiple times.
there was one part that really got to me...it's the part about the real moment being eternity, and God extending an invitation to us to be one w/ eternity, and how time is a manifestation of us saying no to that invitation...now i don't understand all the ramifications of that idea, but thinking about being one w/ eternity...that kinda hits me in the core of my being, ya know? i've been thinking about reality and perception and the physical dimensions of time and space and other realms of existence and just existence in general and why i exist and how it is that it wasn't my choice but i exist and how is that fair and what would it be like to NOT exist which i suppose such a state of being could not BE just based on the definition of nonexistence so basically there is nothing that isn't and everything is but why and why those things why humans why me and is there life on other planets is there life in other realities because this reality seems so limited and narrow to me and what really is the dreamworld why does it seem so real and how does time stop in dreams and how does time go at lightning speed in dreams and why can't the dreams in which i'm with my dad be real why do i have to wake from those dreams and how is it that i know things in dreams seemingly telepathically and do we sleep when we die and do we dream when we die and what is death really like and what is the essence of the soul and spirit and where do all these new souls come from for all these babies being born everywhere babies babies everywhere and how do i see beyond this world beyond the physical and how important is reality and what is the standard foundation of the knowledge of good and evil and is there any new thought to be thunk and how do i know when i've found truth how do i know it's true and is knowing as important as believing and what if i get it all wrong and just die without getting anything right what then and would it really matter in the end and would God really care if i said no to him and if i say no to God what am i saying yes to and what's worth saying yes to and what's worth anything and does it really matter?
as i watched this movie, i thought about ian and wished he were with me...i knew he could explain some of the headier stuff to me...and i don't know what caleb thinks about all this, but i'm sure he'll tell me when he comes to visit...i have to show this movie to ted so we can talk about it because i think he'd totally relate. he is one of the biggest dreamers i know.
oh, as a side note, one freaky thing about the movie is, and if you haven't seen the movie, skip this part, that at one point, the main character gets hit by a car! like that was FREAKY. to get hit by a car and come home and watch a movie in which the main dude gets hit by a car.
