the days just seem to fly by...which is fine by me until spring weather arrives. then i want things to slow waaaaay down...



i spent monday pretty much in bed w/ a migraine. it sucked. i did get to talk to caleb for a while, which i don't get to do very often. it's always good to talk to him. i got to tell him all about pierre & jack playing my guitars and how awesome that was.



except for that, monday was a mopey day...i felt like i had a freight train running through the middle of my head, and i was depressed to boot...but i did do a lot of thinking...good thinking...about stuff...relationships...how to love other people...



i made a conscious choice that day to be kind to someone who wasn't so very nice to me...i'm not the best at turning the other cheek ya know...usually i get really passive aggressive and plot the offender's ruin in good sweet time...but this time i chose to love instead...and so instead of plotting revenge, i made a mix cd! yes, music the great peacemaker...



and i have to say there's something powerful about choosing to love when you have a right to be pissed off at someone. i'm not talking about letting others walk all over you and overstep boundaries and all that...i'm talking about choosing to not give in to fear and hurt and self-pity when someone wrongs you, even if it's someone you especially care about, thereby making the pain all the more excruciating...when you're in a situation like that, you can choose to strike back, or to repress the pain and let it simmer, or to swallow your pride and be kind. there are consequences to each of these choices...i am learning that our characters are to a certain degree molded by our thoughts and actions...and these are things we choose...and it may sound silly or crazy or stupid, but i can honestly say that a part of me changed by this little proactive step on my part...the change was confirmed later that night when i did something i have never done before...i actually had an honest heart-to-heart discussion w/ my offender regarding the offense...it wasn't easy...but i was choosing honest open communication as opposed to running and hiding in my hurt...and the payoff was so worth it...



i'm not saying that every choice to do the right thing will result in such a positive experience...but still, somewhere down the line, there will be an impact, even if it's just on your own character...



and the conclusion i've drawn from this and other recent experiences and broodings is that this life is about love...there's a quote from kurt vonnegut's sirens of titan that someone put in an email to me that puts it pretty plain and simple...i don't know if i've put this out here before or not, but here it is: "it took us that long to realize that a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."



spread some love y'all...

ok. i'm back...



so thursday i took a half day off of work...the weather could not have been lovelier for february in chicago...sunny and frickin' 50 degrees, dude...rt & the gang from hominid went to play frisbee in the park, but did i get to join them? NoOoooOOooo...cuz i'd procrastinated doing laundry again until the day ryan (of serene) was supposed to come to town like i always do....i don't know why it is but i always HAVE to do laundry THE VERY DAY ryan comes to visit...so i did laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaned my apartment all afternoon and missed out on all the fun...



so rt & i went over to gunther murphy's for the serene show @ around 8:30pm...i had come prepared w/ a fifth of yukon jack that i'd poured into an empty crown royal bottle. this was for erik, serene's bass player, who introduced me to the wonderful 100 proof bouquet of flavors that is yukon jack at the last serene show. the funny thing was when we walked into gunther murphy's, the boys were sitting around drinking beer, and erik was just reaching for his cell phone to call me to remind me to bring the yukon jack, and the first words out of my mouth to him was that i had a 'present' for him in the car...so the first thing i did that night was to go back to the car w/ erik and we put away half the bottle together . that stuff is so dangerously delicious...i had given rt a taste of it before we went in, and he was hooked...that's right folks...my poison of choice from now on is yukon jack.



i was expecting matt to be w/ the band (matt's the guitar player for serene) but apparently he didn't fly to new york to meet up w/ them because of the code orange thing going on...that was a real bummer...it would have been great to see matt again...i think rt & i are going to do a trip to seattle this spring...i just miss too many people out there...



connolly made it to the show this time, so he got to meet ryan and rt...that was cool...and ryan did my favorite song again (internationals)...the first time i ever heard him do it live was at the beat kitchen show...any song that has the words "fly by" and "photograph" and "fireflies" all in the same song is alright by me...



after the show, ryan, erik & rt went back to my apt...jeremy went out w/ some friends who came to the show...we were supposed to meet him, but he went to clark's on belmont & clark and i was just too exhausted to deal w/ the traffic & parking out thataways...so rt went home after a little while, and the rest of us popped in fight club...actually, erik fell asleep right away on the couch...poor thing...he's too tall for that couch...so ryan & i set up the air mattress and watched fight club, and then jeremy came home in a little while...i started falling asleep and went to bed around 3:30...i had a 10 am meeting w/ tim & deb & derek for wildwood stuff, so i needed my sleep...



friday morning, i had my meeting w/ the wildwood gang. i think we got a lot done. wildwood's come a long way, i have to say. i kinda had to cut the meeting short cuz erik & jeremy were waiting for me to take them to hilary's urban eatery for brunch. that was one of the first things they asked me..."could we go back to that place again?" meaning where we'd eaten breakfast the last time they were here...it really was THAT good...rt met us at the restaurant, and we had a lovely lovely meal yet again...



it was a beautiful day...sunny and 50 degrees...so after brunch, we went back to the apartment, got ryan and went to wicker park. jeremy, rt & erik played frisbee while ryan & i went to get him some swank frank's...i wanted some time alone w/ ryan anyway, so that worked out...it still felt rushed to have them leave so soon...which yet again confirms my need to go visit seattle SOON...



i was feeling totally bummed and pathetic because rt left for work 20 minutes after the boys left for their next gig in michigan, and there i was...a beautiful day and all alone...i tried to stop feeling sorry for myself and walked back to wicker park, where i sat and wrote a letter for about an hour...it was around the time of the gloaming, my favorite time of day, and after the sun began to disappear and the air got a bit more chill, i found myself walking over to reckless records (surprise, surprise...) where i proceeded to buy some james brown, ornette coleman, mineral's end seranading (finally! i've been looking for a used copy of this for about 3 months now!), woody guthrie's library of congress recordings (woohoo! i love woody...), an american football ep, some le tigre and my first naked raygun album (basement screams). oh. i also picked up a royal tenenbaums dvd. not a shabby day at the used record store, eh?



when i got out of reckless, i had a voicemail from none other than pierre, 1/3 of dickey's funky love bomb. he and his friend jack were in town and wanted to get together. i was thrilled cuz a) i thought the only company i'd have all evening was my cat abby; b) pierre is one of the coolest guys i know; and c) i knew my guitar was itchin' to get played by the likes of mr. pierre bourgeois, especially after getting fixed up and all.



so i went and picked up pierre and jack from downtown later that night...pierre was showing jack all the cool places in chicago, and he asked me where else we should go...quite frankly, i don't know any cool places to go in chicago in the dead of winter unless they're a music venue, so i ended up taking them to goose island over on north ave...it was a friday night crowd, and as soon as i entered the place and looked around, i turned to pierre and told him i hated it there. so we just went back to my apartment. i felt bad that i couldn't come up with anywhere else to go...but it ended up not being bad at all. as you can see by these photos, pierre and jack were very happy to play my guitar into the wee hours...and y'all know that there's nothing i like better than a private concert...and pierre played via chicago for me, so what MORE could i ask for??? well, it would've been nice if caleb & todd had been there too, but i gotta tell ya, that jack can play one mean guitar...except "mean" 's not the right word...cuz i just don't associate jack with the word mean, but he's like totally awesome on the guitar, ya know? anyways...so it was a lovely lovely evening of great music...and pierre got me onto the pixies...i love discovering new bands that are worth a damn...i just wish rt had been there too...pierre's into kung fu too, and i know rt would've loved to get to know him...



pierre & jack were both totally loving the way my gibson was sounding...pierre said he was SO glad i got that guitar fixed...caleb would be happy too i'm sure...you know, i can't fully appreciate how great of a guitar that j-45 is until someone like pierre or caleb or jack plays it...i was near tears that night; it was so frickin' beautiful...



so yeah, that was one of my highlights this weekend...pierre & jack playing my guitars...



saturday was pretty uneventful...rt came by on his way to work and we tried to call germany to get a hold of his best friend, but we had the numbers all messed up...i think i got it figured out, but i still haven't been able to get through...i called pete & amy & they met me for the ted leo & the pharmacists show @ reckless records that afternoon. it was a good show. i knew i wouldn't be able to make the sold out empty bottle show that night (which watchers were opening up for), so i was glad i got to see the free show. it was pretty kickass, even though the keyboardist was M.I.A.



rt ended up leaving work early cuz he was sick, and he came over and we had dinner and a relatively quiet evening. oh. and we drank yukon jack.

ok. i have a confession....my posts to this blogger may become either less frequent or less detailed, which means this will become considerably less interesting to anyone who happens to stop by at this here website. why? i'm just damn busy these days. also, there are some personal details which i'm gonna leave out, so don't feel insulted if you think i'm withholding information or something...if ya wanna know what's going on in my life, yer gonna have to contact me to find out the details from now on...



hominid from brooklyn, ny">so is it saturday already? sheesh...alright...let me pick up where i left off...wednesday night watchers were live in the studio @ WLUW and rt & i listened to the program together at his place...it was weird hearing michael's and ethan's voices on the radio...they played live stuff w/ jamie on drums and the new percussionist damion who played at the hideout show back in january...well, anyways, rt & i had to go to phyllis's musical inn for the hominid show, which is a band that's got rt's sister-in-law's sister arone as the lead singer. i really liked them. they were pretty tight for only having been together for 9 months. arone is totally AWESOME...she was so much fun to hang out w/...i hope to see them again soon.



well, i gotta go now...rt got off work early unexpectedly so i'm outta here...

ok. it's wednesday already. egads...time sure flies...it especially helps when monday is a holiday and you're taking half of thursday and all of friday off...which means as of right now, i have 3/4 wednesday and 1/2 thursday left to work....



well, sunday night my family got together at my cousin kris's cuz my aunt from new jersey was in town...kris's mom can cook like a gourmet chef, so i had no complaints...my family loved the $5.99 tiramisu i got from trader joe's, and we drank cheap wine from binny's. the cousins had a chance to catch up, which is always nice...my cousins are more like my siblings since i only had one older brother growing up. i'm always fascinated listening to rt's stories about his 4 siblings...i've always wanted to be part of a big family...so now i just adopt the folks i want to be my family...like the boys in serene...megan...caleb...pete & amy...sam...



monday night rt & i went out w/ his sister lauren to see daredevil, the latest superhero movie...it was kind of a depressing movie, i thought, although i enjoyed it...the action was good and all, but i still like matrix better. i do like the fact that jennifer garner kicks butt in there...not that she's my favorite actress or anything...i just like movies that girls get to kick butt in.



well, the fun begins today...rt's sister-in-law's sister's band hominid from new york i think is playing @ phyllis's on division tonight...free show...just buy booze...they're staying w/ rt tonight. i've actually listened to their cd, and it's pretty good stuff for their first recording. i'm excited to be going to a show...i feel like it's been forever since i went to a show...then tomorrow night serene will be playing at gunther murphy's...i'm just a tad concerned as to when the boys are gonna get in...they're in grand rapids today, which is only a 3 hour drive, and i wonder if ryan is going to trek the band all the way out here in the middle of the night like 2 weeks ago from st. louis...i need to clean the apartment...it wasn't a mess until yesterday, when i started cleaning out my closet...i really intend on getting rid of a third of my possessions...it's amazing how junk accumulates...



i still haven't found a car...rt & i need to go do that sometime, hopefully this week...it's just kinda crazy w/ the boys coming in and all...i still don't know what to get...my solar buddy john wants me to get a hybrid, of course, or drive his electric truck...i don't know about those hybrids yet...they're kinda expensive...and i really want a 4wheel drive...not an SUV or anything...just an all wheel drive vehicle that will be safer in snow & rain.



i've been listening to a lot of wluw (88.7 fm) which is loyola university's indie sation. this morning, on the way to work, the djs mentioned that watchers are going to be in the studio today ~7pm...michael had mentioned that they were going on the radio station...maybe they'll play some songs...who knows...but they get to play w/ ted leo on sat. night @ the empty bottle...i still haven't decided whether i'm going to that show or not...



i'm so sleepy...i think i'll take a nap during lunch...



listening to--

one part lullabye--the folk implosion

harmacy--sebadoh

substance--joy division

s/t--serene

so saturday i went over to rt's to do a photoshoot...i was supposed to wake him up one of four ways: 1) throwing rocks at his bedroom window; 2) shooting spitballs at his bedroom window; 3) radioing him on our walkie talkie; 4) ringing the buzzer...well, i forgot my straw so i couldn't do the spitball thingie...i found some light woodchips that would be easy to throw and wouldn't break a window, so i'm standing at the bottom of his apartment, looking up, and i'm wondering when they changed the sign on their window...it said something else now...and then it dawns on my that i'm looking at the 2nd floor apartment, and that rt's bedroom is like WAY WAY WAY up there...i had zero chance of ever hitting it w/ the woodchip, although hitting the 2nd floor bedroom window was much more likely...what the hell was i thinking? rt lives on the 3rd floor of apartments w/ like 10' ceilings. so i radioed him instead...



rt wanted me to take photos of the watchers concert posters that he'd had framed and hung on his living room wall so that he could show it to people when he tries to explain them...they're really great posters...ethan made all of them...i have to admit i'm rather covetous of them, even if rt's not in the band any more...



after taking pictures of the posters, rt wanted some photos of his fish so that he could post one on the employee pets board at trader joe's. these fish are weird...rt can predict their every move...all that male dominance territoriality is just weird to me...sometimes, i think they're gonna jump out of the water chasing each other...the cool thing was that there were baby fishies wiggling in their eggs in the gravel...it's been about a week since the girl fish laid the eggs.



rt had to leave for work around 3:15, but i stuck around a little while. so i had gotten rt a red teddy bear for valentine's, which he loves...and i decided to do a photoshoot w/ red teddy and rt's brown teddy which he's had for years. i know it may seem a little weird to do a photoshoot w/ stuffed animals, but trust me...rt LOVED the pictures...alright...so it's an inside joke...i couldn't possibly explain the intricacies of the relationship amongst the 4 of us...



i also took some photos of rt's drum kit because i'm helping out my friend brandon w/ his band's website (brandon pfiffer & the rest). he likes my photos and i've given him free reign to use whatever photos he wants on there. anyways, i'm gonna go down to bloomington one of these days to do a photoshoot of the band, but until then, brandon asked me if i could take photos of the various instruments so that they could post those next to the band members' individual bios. so i have to take photos of my acoustic guitar & electric guitar. and i need a bass guitar to photograph...i have one, but it's a little girly one...and a cello...i need a cello...i think i'll take that at my cousin kris's tonight...i covet that cello, but my aunt won't let me borrow it...



anyways, i gotta get ready to go now...gotta make posters for serene's show @ gunther murphy's this thursday @ 9pm...i think serene don't go on until 11. you should all come to that!!! they're playing w/ locals can.ky.ree and los hombres perdidos. it's $6 at the door, 21+. and after kinko's then it's off to trader joes for rt's lunch break...but i'm gonna wait outside this time...i'm afraid i'm gonna get him fired, although really, i'm a faithful customer, so ALL trader joe associates should be nice to me, not just rt...did i mention trader joe's has caviar for $2.99? oh, it's true...



i've been listening to bob dylan all day...ever notice how on nashville skyline, bob doesn't sound like bob? or is it just me? am i nuts here? caleb, what's the dillyo?



today's music:

s/t--bob dylan

nashville skyline--bob

the freewheelin' bob dylan--bob

the times they are a-changin'--bob