(that's the view from my eastern window at 0600 this morning on the right) i am settling in here in my apartment. there are still boxes everywhere and a gazillion cds that i still have to sort through. i wish i didn't have to go into an office for work so that i could get rid of all my "business casual" clothes. i just hate having all this stuff...i haven't been home at all really so i haven't done as much unpacking as i should have. that's what i should be doing now...

but i'm excited about the plethora of concerts coming my way in the next month. the ocean blue, neil halstead, josh rouse, bill mallonee, over the rhine, pedro the lion, damien jurado, bright eyes--if only i could get tickets to the sold out belle&sebastian concert...by the end of april i will have photographed some of my favorite folks in the music biz. i'm going to have to work out my schedule so i work from home the day after such concerts so that i can sleep in a bit. which reminds me i need to get up in less than 6 hours...but it's the last work day of the week! thank goodness! and i'll have the long weekend to finish unpacking. i really have to get that done so that my friends will have places to sit when they come over.

last nite, when i was going to sleep, i opened up the curtains to my bedroom so that i could sleep bathed in the moonlight. it's been so good to see the moon so round and full lately. i am very conscious of the moon's presence these days, after having gone through a panic earlier this month when i thought the moon had fallen out of orbit. i cannot express the delight i get at walking in through the front door of my apartment and being greeted by the moonlight streaming in through my eastern window. i think it means even more to me now because i am alone, and i take comfort in the company i can get, which sometimes means just the stars and the moon and the big big sky.

i'm tired...i should go to sleep...it's past 00:00. i need to wake up early so that i don't run into the traffic fiasco i encountered today...

i just want to say that i saw death cab for cutie sunday nite and had a great time. took photos of course. inadvertently went into the restricted area (i mean, there was like SO MUCH ROOM there; i didn't want to waste the space, ya know?) and got reprimanded by security. weasled my way to the front of the balcony towards the end and finally got some decent shots.

the ocean blue are coming next friday to the double door!!!! woohoo!! like how often do you get to see THOSE guys live? god bless pennsylvania...i'm so glad i only live like 3 blocks from double door now. and thank god connolly likes the ocean blue--i might need his shoulder as a tripod. oh, wait...tri-pod means three legs...so he'd be like a bipod. or just a pod? whatever.

last night was my first night in my very first very own apartment here in bucktown chicago. i am tired from moving, even though i didn't do much besides pack. connolly, olarn & my brother jim did all the carrying of stuff. connolly olarn & i are excited about the apt because we can walk to all our restaurants & enterntainment. we'll have fun down here. i wish josh & lielle could have stayed a little longer so we could all hang out in the neighborhood.

this morning was hard waking up alone, even though it was to josh's phone call. i have come to the realization that i am really alone now, and it's unfamiliar territory. my first reaction is to jump into relationships and hide, but i know that's not what i need. what i really need is to be on my own and be comfortable with that. but in all honesty i felt so disconnected from the world. i don't think i've ever felt so alone as i did for about 45 minutes this morning. i don't think it's anything i need sympathy for. being alone can be fertile soil for nuturing parts of myself that get washed out in the busyness of being around people all the time. but the feelings of loneliness that can accompany being alone...that'll take time adjusting to. but i know i'll be okay. more than okay even.

"a hole that big i'd never seen before in the tummy of a good ol' boy who always wanted more
then just yesterday i saw him satisfied it seems he'd met the hole fixin man much to his surprise
but are you for real, mr hole fixin man, you fixed my friend can you fix me, hey, mr hole fixin man, i'm broken as a boy can be so how about fixin me
and all the charms that never were enough, it seems the hole is always twice as big no matter what it was, but to see him now is almost to believe that maybe mr hole fixin man might have what i need
but are you for real, mr hole fixin man, you fixed my friend can you fix me, hey, mr hole fixin man, i'm broken as a boy can be so how about fixin me.mr hole fixin man, he says you died on calvary, hey mr hole fixin man, if you've got proof i will believe, how about fixin me." ~ whole by pedro the lion

ok. so yesterday (march 21st) was like the 1st day of spring, as in the vernal equinox or whatever, and so what did i wake up to? what you see here on the left--S-N-O-W!!! that was NOT what i was expecting to greet me on the very first day of spring. i think that winter realizes it forgot to do all its work back in december, january and february when we were all enjoying the nice balmy weather so it's making up for it now. kind of like snow days in june when we were back in school.

but the sun came out later in the day and i had a very pleasant drive to my apartment to wait for the gas company. it was still too cold to drive with the windows down, but the sun was a welcome change to the dreary gray morning. as i was driving south, i noticed that the northern sky behind me was turning into a dramatic display of the most beautiful fluffy white clouds against a striking azure sky. it was like the intro to the simpsons. too bad i was driving south or i would have tried to get some pictures of it. oh well. that picture is just for me and my memory bank.

today when i got out of work at around 18:00, i noticed that it was still light out. that means spring is finally emerging from a mere dream state and entering the realm of reality. i wish it were a bit warmer than the 30's we've been lingering in, but i will take what i can get, and a later sunset counts for something. the temperature will catch up soon enough.

the change in seasons always gets me thinking...reflecting...and i've got lots to think about these days, that's for sure. but for the next week, i really have to concentrate my energies into packing (then unpacking). i SO dislike packing...