i've been home all day w/ a migraine for the most part...well, ok, maybe i was hung over...that's really pathetic cuz all i had to drink last night was a red stripe and a pbr. i'm such a wus...



i saw bill & jake but no kevin last night. that bummed me out. it was great to see bill & jake, but i was really looking forward to catching up w/ kevin. and y'all know i love watching drummers do their thang...



another drummer i'll be missing is my favorite favorite favorite drummer jesse...he called me today from seattle...i cried after i got off the phone w/ him because i miss him so much and because he's not coming to chicago w/ the rest of serene...he's got good reasons for not coming out, but it doesn't stop me from being totally disappointed...don't get me wrong; i'm psyched to see ryan & matt & erik again...but jesse...jesse has a really special place in my heart...he's one of those godsends who's made me feel loved and special for no reason at all...



i also talked to ryan...he was driving the tour van from fargo to minneapolis...i miss him...it'll be good to catch up w/ him...i told him i've got the flat screen tv & dvd changer all ready for him! i hope the boys stay a couple days and hang out...i took my beer & liquor order from him, so i'll be ready for them...i need to get a bottle of crown royal...



i'm seriously considering SXSW again...mainly to see ian...i've really been missing him lately...i've been missing ALL my seattle folks! sheesh...no wonder i wanna move there so bad...



oh, the band that opened before bill last night was a band called 41 rivers. the frontman kevin and the guitarist anthony played as an acoustic duo called port eleki and opened up for ian @ the schuba show in july where i first met ian...they did those neutral milk hotel covers w/ ian that totally blew me away. i talked to kevin for a bit, and he told me they're now playing under the moniker the royal we. i hope i can see them again soon. i'll have to tell ian i saw them.



well, i'm going into work tomorrow for a full day since i didn't get anything done today like i'd hoped to...i'm tired...i think i'll go to sleep...



bill mallonee & jake are playing schubas tomorrow at 8pm. will kimbrough opens. should be an awesome show. i love bill...

well, i decided to leave work early (4:15--that's not TOO early for a friday, is it?). i figured traffic was gonna be a bear, and i have to take a shower and meet rt during his dinner break at 8, and after tuesday nite's disastrous backfiring of my "let's-wait-for-traffic-to-die-down" plan, i decided to brave the congestion...the only thing bad about that is that i really get crazy bored, and i sneaked a smoke in my rental car...i really am not smoking any more...i quit...not that i ever started...but i'm trying not to smoke at shows or even after eating out...i did have one at the place that my car got towed to because the guys in there were smoking, and i figured i needed a cig after everything i went through that night...but really, i'm trying not to smoke, so don't ask me for a cigarette cuz then i'll want one too...rt jokingly said we should have one when we went to dinner wednesday, but i was strong and i reminded him we'd quit...but today i wasn't so strong...oh well...



anyways, i'm probably gonna work all weekend...i have a project that's kicking my ass right now...that seems to happen pretty frequently these days...it's the same project that kept me up working all night long before i flew out to seattle in august...i have to produce the same file again, except that our vendor totally changed the specs and then gave me one week to turn it around. so i've basically been staring at the specs wondering what the hell i'm supposed to do...i'll have to figure it out between now and monday i suppose...



so today as i was driving home, i purposely drove in the left lane on the edens cuz i wanted to see if i could find the spot where i'd hit the median...we were going slow enough, and it was still light out, so sure enough, i saw this spot on that barrier w/ a big chunk on concrete broken off just south of the 36.02 milemarker. i was like, "YES!" cuz i was hoping after what that barrier did to my car that i'd at least left a little dent in it. i hope the insurance company totals it...i don't wanna drive my car anymore after what it's been through. rt says i should buy his outback cuz it's 4wheel drive and a lot safer, but i don't know...i was thinking more along the lines of an MG...yeah, right...i'll probably get some beater and try to only drive it around when i have to. we shall see...

i got 8 hours of sleep last night. wow. that's amazing. maybe it's cuz bill's in town and he's always telling me to get more sleep...well, if he asks tonight, i'll be able to say i got me a full 8 hours.



yes, bill mallonee of vigilantes of love is playing @ the empty bottle tonight. i think jake & kevin are gonna play with him too. that'll be so awesome to see them again! it's been like 6 months since i saw those guys! yay!

today's entry is rated ISA! for I'M STILL ALIVE!!



oh, it's true...i'm still kickin'...and punchin' too...rt & i sparred yesterday and he taught me some kung fu moves...oh my gosh it was so much fun! i punched him in the nose too! i'm going to kick his ass one of these days, i am i am i am...i am currently working on a 9th drunken god...it will be called drunken break dancer, and all moves will occur low to the ground, preferably on my back or side, with legs of fury and tricksy hands...subcategories within this style will be drunken caterpillar and drunken helicopter...



so yesterday i was a sorry little carless ragamuffin, and rt came and got me. i thought we were just gonna hang out or whatever, but rt said we were on vacation, and when he said that, it totally changed the way i looked at the day...it was magical, almost...so i really did take on the mindset that we were on vacation, even though we never left chicagoland and it was FREEZING...needless to say, it was an AWESOME one day vacation...



we started our little vacation at cold comfort cafe & deli on north & leavitt for brunch. it's a nice cozy place and totally empty on a wednesday at 11am. rt says it's packed on the weekends. the rest of the day was absolutely lovely...rt's childhood haunts....the drum pad (the country's largest drummers store) in palatine where i became acquainted w/ "the thunder maker" and the finger piano, my new favorite instruments...dundee, IL, a quaint little town on the fox river right out of a movie...drinking hot cocoas at kava kava, a coffeeshop in dundee while rt sketched a picture of the building across the street and i took photos...rt discovering for me that i could create a cool distorted effect w/ my wide angle lens by not attaching it to the camera...tour of rt's parents' house and hearing stories associated w/ all the rooms...playing piano and teaching rt to play mary had a little lamb w/ two hands...mexican guitarist and half a pitcher of margaritas and a shared enchiladas plate @ el molina's...watching the bachelorette in disbelief and yet mesmerized...kung fu moves and (bad) kung fu movie...kicking rt's ass on samurai showdown (actually, he kicked my ass more than i kicked his, but i had a bad hand from my car accident...)...long talk over tea...petting sniper the cat goodbye...seeing deer bound across the street on our way home at 4am...all in all, i couldn't have asked for a better one day vacation...



well, i ended up going to the doctor today to have my left hand looked at...when i woke up this morning, i couldn't do anything w/ it cuz it hurt so bad...it was ok yesterday, so i don't know what the deal is...i think it's from playing samurai showdown w/ rt...those game controls are a killer on the hand...anyways, i got worried i might have a tiny fracture or something...the last time i thought i had a bruised limb, i waited 10 days before getting it xrayed and i ended up having to have surgery to implant a pin in my finger, and i was wolverine for a few weeks...so i got to have xrays taken, although my doctor thinks it's just a really really bad bruise. the bruise is the size of my entire hand. yuck.



i am now driving a blue neon from alamo. rt & i were conveniently passing by ohare on the way home from his parents', so i had him drop me off at the rental place since i'd been planning on taking the blue line up there at 7am and then taking the shuttle bus to the alamo station...by having rt drop me off and doing the rental at 4 am as opposed to going there myself via cta at 8 am, i probably saved myself a good 2 hours. and 2 hours in the morning before 8 am are precious, precious to me...



i had my performance review at work today...2002 was a sucky year for me...my boss euphemistically put it as "not a typical year for sarah..." meaning i was not my stellar self...well, just think about it...based on the holmes rahe social readjustment scale, i scored over 400 life change units...300+ = 80% chance of illness, so i'd say mathematically speaking, i have 100% chance of getting sick. that means i've had an earth shatteringly life changing year...that's stressful, man...but my boss is so awesome...she's never once scolded me for being so unmotivated lately...and she really wanted to know what i wanted to do so i wouldn't want to leave...i doubted she'd let me implement an independent radio station for our locations for which i would pick out all the music...so i told her some things i was interested in doing, and she was really supportive. one of the things i want to do is facilitating training...that would mean i'd get to travel more! too bad we don't have any locations in seattle...i hope that works out...work...i'd rather not...but i must...starving musicians to support...

i found this poem in the notebook of my journal from last year...i showed it to rt and he liked it, so i guess i'll share it with the universe now...this was written the day before my dad died, while i was with him in the hospital...





i am on my hands and knees

digging furiously through

the dirt in which my

childhood is buried.

when did this garden get

so overgrown with

flowers and vines i

don't even remember

planting?



this is how i've been feeling lately...that whole catcher in the rye motif...i don't want to let go of my childhood...that's when things were safe, my dad was superman, and everything was new and fresh and full of wonder...i don't want to lose that connection to childhood, to that place of purity and wonderment...is that too much to ask??



rt made an interesting distinction between the "flowers" and the "vines", like the flowers are the good experiences, and the vines are the tight and constricting experiences...i didn't even think of it that way when i wrote it, but it makes sense...



well, i'm not sore this morning...not really...thank god for advil...rt is coming to pickup my carless sorry ass, and after breakfast he's gonna take me up to his old haunts where he grew up in the burbs. at least i have some one to keep me company today...



this morning i listened to 1991-1998 by the smoking popes.



p.s. if i DO die, my last will and testament is that caleb j d maskell gets all my instruments to disperse of as he wishes. but he must play the gibson at my funeral. the gibson is currently at the chicago music exchange, so he'll need to bail it out. there, caleb. that should work, right?