last night was the first night i spent in a hospital since the night before my dad died now almost 11 months ago...the whole experience brought back so many memories...there were a couple times when i couldn't keep the tears from forming...and it was like i didn't skip a beat...i automatically went into caretaker mode...wake up at any little stir...always ready w/ ice water...feed patiently and coaxingly...track down nurses and doctors...adjust temperature...adjust bed...monitor fever...stare for hours at a fitfully sleeping body while wearing a knitted brow on my forehead...



i began to see my dad...the agonizing look of pain...the weak, barely audible voice...the childlike simple and confused answers to questions...



you think you're okay and then you find out you're not...



oh, i missed the watchers show for the 3rd time this year...but i had more important things to attend to, like keeping someone alive...

it's funny how the first few bars of a song from way back when can flood the entire car your'e driving in with memories and warm fuzzy feelings...today as i was driving to work, i heard new order's version of 'ceremony' and i'm reminded of just how much i love the old new order stuff...songs like bizzare love triangle (the korean american national anthem of the late 80s & 90s)...temptation...subculture...blue monday...it reminded me of something my friend matt said a long time ago when i was in college...how he was driving to church w/ a couple girls and they were listening to temptation and one of them said if the songs we sang at church were like that, how great that would be...yeah...i haven't heard of a church that plays music along those lines yet...man, old new order or joy division or old r.e.m. would be so sweet...



anyways...watchers are headlining at the fireside tonight...rt & i will be going if he's feeling up to it...maybe mj will go too...i want to hear their new songs...should be a rocking show...we regazzi and xiu xiu are opening...oh...and taking pictures too...



i started planning my trip to seattle for early june today...i just hope ian's in town when i go...i missed him the last time i was there, and i'd hate to miss him again...it's been almost 4 months since i've seen him, and it's been over 4 months since i've seen jesse...way too long...

i had a glimpse into a side of health care that i have never seen before...i spent close to 10 hours yesterday at the cook county hospital ER with a friend...most of that time was in this big waiting room...this is the hospital where the show ER was supposed to take place and it is the city's "free hospital" where they treat you regardless of your ability to pay...now let me tell you that in real life, an episode of ER would take approximately 18 hours because that's about how long some of these folks wait to just see a doctor, and that's excluding seeing reception, getting vitals taken, getting preregistered and then registered...i have never seen so many gates to get to a doctor...i saw folks w/ quarter size gashes in their leg seeping blood through the bandage who'd been waiting all day to be examined by a doctor...those who were experienced showed up with luggage on wheels filled w/ food and other amenities...



i have to say though that the staff showed a lot of patience and were nice for the most part...it cannot be easy working there when the patients are ready to revolt various times throughout the day...



this experience definitely was a contrast to all my previous experiences w/ the ER, all of which took place at the glenbrook hospital in glenview, where the entire emergency room department is probably the size of the waiting room @ cook county...



this stuff makes you think about things like affordable health care and access to health insurance and all that jazz...

if you wanna see the photos from the demonstration, click here.



i got to the demonstration at around 1:30pm today...there were two demonstrations going on simultaneously, one prowar and one antiwar...the prowar demonstrators were allotted pretty much the entire plaza in front of the orange picasso in front of the federal building on dearborn between jackson and adams...the antiwar demonstrators were restricted to the smaller space southeast of the sculpture in the same plaza...they were separated by police and metal horse obstacles...since i was coming from the north, i encountered the prowar demonstrators first...there were a lot of u.s. flags being waved, and a lot of "U.S.A.!" being chanted...a lot of the support was for the troops, and maybe (hopefully) not so much bush and the administration...



i was disturbed by some of the signs and things being said...things like "let's roll..." like what the hell does that mean? do these people think this war is a night out on the town??? and people shouting "if you don't like america, i'll buy you a one way ticket to baghdad!" i almost took the guy up on his offer...like why do people think that folks who're not happy w/ america should go "back where they came from?" i mean, this country was founded by folks who did not like the way they were being governed...so should they have gotten back on their ships and sailed back to the motherland? the reason a lot of us are here in america is because this is where we are supposed to have the freedom to dissent and to openly voice our dissension...and then i saw this sign that said "france, you're next!" great...let's forget all the french blood spilt on behalf of the united states before there even was a united states, and because our longtime european ally disagrees with our plans to bully iraq to its knees, let's just bomb them...that mentality of "if they're not on our side, let's blow them to smithereens" is what scares me...



don't get me wrong...i think the prowar folks have every right to demonstrate and express their opinion...i just don't agree with their stance on the war...and i can think that and i can say that because we have this thing called freedom of speech in this country...actually, i ran into an old friend alex who was going around videotaping the demonstrations and interviewing folks...he and i have very different views politically, and he teased me, but i teased him back and it was all friendly...see, people who disagree can talk about it and still be friends...crimeny, if we all believed the same things in this country, we'd just be a bunch of automatons and boring as plaster. voltaire (who was french, by the way) said, "i may hate what you say, but i will defend to the death your right to say it."



and that's all i have to say about that...



listened to legend by bob marley & the wailers...

yesterday, my colleagues andrei, allison & i had friday spring fever and they indulged me on a miniphotoshoot at a forest preserve on the way to lunch up near hawthorn mall...the day was nicer than we'd thought it would be, with a little lovely gentle drizzle here and periods of sunshine there...i have been keeping a photojournal (a physical one) for rt during his absence, and the weather's been so bad that i haven't had much chance for photos...so this was a good one. really, i wish all i had to do every day when i got up was go on photoshoots...there's gotta be somebody out there who would pay me enough money to scrape by so i could do this...



i've been eyeing this bridge for years as i drove by it off of route 60, and now i've finally captured it on photo...it's such a lovely site from the road...this little red idyllic bridge peeping through the trees, enticing the viewer to meander off the highway and come see its little world...it's actually a nice little forest preserve...there's a canoe launch there which feeds into the des plaines river...you could canoe from here into downtown chicago if you wanted to...



so last night, i forewent (is that a word? what's the past tense of forego?) the idlewild concert...i know, i know...i'm gonna be kicking myself for it...the next time they're in town, they'll be playing some stadium opening up for pearl jam...sheesh...but i was dogtired, and i've been doing some spring cleaning...



so there i am 7:30 pm, slaving over my bathtub when josh calls me...he's in edwards, colorado w/ his fiance staying at the winter home of some millionaire from peru who's a friend of her dad's...he's telling me they're out in the middle of nowhere, and you can see the stars, and he's going on and on, and they have a butler and a cook, blah blah blah, and there i am scrubbing my tub...josh thought that was funny...i don't know...so anyways, he's there until next friday, and he's gonna get snowboarding lessons...i'm kinda worried about his knee...he tore the acl back in fall of '01, and it hasn't been repaired yet...if he'd just waited for me to come out to cali to go riding in the desert, his knee would be fine, but that's another story...



today, i am going to take the train downtown for the antiwar demonstrations...since i seem to be unable to click on the tv even though i have digital cable and all, i have no idea what the demonstrations look like except for what i can gather off the web...543 arrested thursday night and 69 arrested yesterday...i told rt when he called me at 4am this morning that i was going to the demonstrations, and that i was worried if i got arrested because i have to pick him up at the airport on monday...i highly doubt i would do anything that would get me arrested, but if i do, i think my one phone call may be to my friend chris in the CPD...really, guys, i'm just a photojournalist...but if i see any unsavory activity going on, believe me, i'll be capturing it on my compact flash card for the world to see...