Random Thoughts

I've been really busy at work, and with last weekend's packed schedule, I have to admit I don't have much to offer on this here blog o' mine. My thoughts are all over the place lately. Excuse me if I fail at molding this here post into some semblance of coherence. This is where random thoughts come in. And random photos.

Sometimes, I get really tired of feeling like we're doing it alone. Living, parenting, being. I have this yearning to live in community w/ folks, to raise each others' kids, to grow our own food, to cook for each other, to play cards, to sing old hymns in 4 part harmony, to make art, to share books and CDs and sofas and cars as well as the occasional cup of sugar and eggs. I can't be the only one who feels like this. But how you get started on such a paradigm-shifting project? I have no clue...

As much as I love my boss and am treated well by my current company, I can't help feeling uneasy being tied down to a corporate job. Yes, it pays the bills and enables Ted to stay home with Cadence, but I don't think I can do this for the rest of my life. I have thoughts of doing photography professionally, but I'm afraid of two things: 1) not getting enough business; and 2) becoming bored with photography.

Do you know what one of my pet peeves is? Christians who think Jesus is gonna bail us out of the mess we made, so "oh, well if the rest of the earth is going to hell in a handbasket as long as we get taken up to heaven before it self-destructs." And what the hell is heaven anyways? I don't think it's gonna be one big eternal hallelujah surrounded by streets of gold and harp-strumming winged creatures. I rather like how the theologian and Anglican bishop N.T. Wright talks about heaven.

I'm still reading Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States and it is still kicking my butt. You can read some of it online here if you want to know what I'm talking about.

And then there's Cadence. She sure is something. The other day at church, our friend Matt J. held out his hand for a high five. Cadence responded by giving him her FOOT, sparkly shoe and all. Oh, and that would be the Sunday on which the first thing she did when we got to church was to pee in her pants. Of course that had to be the day that I forgot to pack an extra pair of pants. She ran around the church in her underwear and thought nothing of it. Still, she's a neater eater than I am (which isn't saying much). I just have to remember the time when the sight of Cadence peeing in the toilet unassisted was a mere fantasy and be thankful for the progress she's made so far. Now I'm fantasizing about her pooping in the toilet instead of her underwear...That day, too, shall come, I'm told...

The reality is that I'm watching my baby, who is no longer a baby or even a toddler, grow up before my very eyes, and my heart panics just a wee bit. I have no idea what to do about school. I'm afraid to put a ball of such unstoppable energy into a classroom environment, but I don't know (or am afraid of) what my other options are. I'm convinced that despite the noble intentions of many teachers, the majority of schools these days are designed to spit out conformist drones, and I can't resist rebelling against that.

Alrighty, then. I think that'll do for random thoughts. I've got more rolling around in my head, but I'm tired of typing and being awake.