so i like stayed up until 07:15 this morning and was snoozing away until neil halstead woke me up a few minutes ago (i can't wait to see him in concert next week!! woohoo!!!). then i was going to be a diligent webber and work on finishing my concert photos (i am now backlogged 8 artists--more than what i've actually got up and running). but then i stuck my head out the window, and it is frickin' sunny and WARM... y'all know what that means. i don't need to do my laundry cuz i don't need socks today!!!! well, that, and the fact that it would be a sin to stay indoors. no, literally, from a theological standpoint, it would be a sin for me personally, i mean it's like wasting perfectly good food on your plate--i got me this beautiful day outdoors so why let it go unseized? i know, that's exactly what i was thinking. so i'm going to do my duty (isn't it great when what you should do is what you want to do?) and get my butt outdoors. i'm off to wicker park, which is where you'll find the dogs, the frisbee players, the hoopsters, the skateboarders, the smokers, the lovers, the dreamers and me...

update on my dad--did i mention he's eating food now? like through his mouth!!! hallelujah, thank you jesus!--as my dear former boss eloise would say. yup, he's doing better and the doctor said he may come home in like a week!!!!!!!!! i'm giddy with joy when i think about it.

soundtrack so far:
from the nest of idea - scientific (just picked up this cd at reckless yesterday cuz it was cheap and i'm totally diggin it!!! if you're interested, go visit them at http://scientificmusic.com/index.html it was perfect for getting myself energized after a night of frugal sleep.)

i will leave you with these photos i took yesterday of what i know is waiting for me out there...

ah, the daffodil! one of the first signs of spring...have you ever seen a meadow of just daffodils blooming in the late afternoon sun, as everything turns golden and pink and fuschia and magenta? me neither, but it's a lovely thought...i have a vague recollection of a poem called daffodil from high school where there was a black & white picture of a field of daffodils. not the same as being there, but placed in my head the notion that being in such a field wouldn't be a bad idea.

and here's another sure sign that spring has come to chicago--the beds of scilla by lincoln park zoo blooming blue and intoxicating the unsuspecting passerby with its maddeningly alluring aroma. i know that i have been put under its spell meters and meters away and had to follow it to its source like a siren's song calling them young sailors (i don't know why in the world i have the song rainbow connection in my head today...). i have always restrained myself from just rolling around in it, but i think next time i'll give in...

and then there's the forsythia...one of the last photos i took in korea (i mean that someone took of me--i was only like 3 days short of 6) was me in my snoopy shirt peeking out from within a large wildly untamed forsythia bush. i love it when folks let their forsythias grow however they please instead of trimming them into rectangular boxes. i want to cry whenever i see forsythia bushes that have been trimmed in this manner. i just try to imagine if someone cut my hair into a rectangular shape, and i can guarantee that it would be something worthy of grief for me (no scissors have touched my head for like a few years; it's not like i'm samson with superpower hair, but i just like letting certain things grow wild and take on a life of their own. i do trim my nails though.)

and this is a makeshift art gallery i encountered yesterday like a block away from me on the corner of damen & moffat. actually, it's an abandoned lot that's been fenced off with these huge concrete grids like a couple meters in the ground. one of the grid blocks was full of rain water, and of course i had to stop and look at the reflections in that big puddle. and then i saw this picture and decided i wanted to take it home with me. a nice balance to the flora in this post, don't you think? daffodil, scilla, forsythia, a little concrete, metal piping--it's all good.

so these are three.five reasons i'm gonna scadaddle on out of here! go check out scientific if you have time and are so inclined!

uh oh...i hear birds singing already and i'm still awake...this can't be a good thing...



went to green mill (jazz club on the northside) w/ connolly & olarn. met some really really nice girls, sarah, tina and elise. all work in the nonprofit sector, which is refreshing. more on than later...



sat. nite's > 19:00 cdt soundtrack -



i break chairs - damien jurado

mp3s:

notebook - innocence mission

lilac wine - jeff buckley

government center - jonathan richman

river - joni mitchell

singing softy to me - kings of convenience

someday right now - mustard plug

subculture - new order

monosyllabic girl - nofx

rollerskate skinny - the old 97's

valentine - the old 97's

i woke up this morning w/ a splitting headache and killer allergies. i forgot that happens in spring sometimes if i don't take my drugs regularly. i need to move to the desert or something. my allergies never bothered me out there. as for my headache, i don't know if it's the sierra nevada i had at schubas last nite. i didn't eat much of a dinner--like 4 spoonfuls of an endemame bowl--and then i had to chug the pint so i could put the glass down to have my hands free to shoot photos. i don't have any aspirin & i don't have any alcohol in the apt otherwise i would have taken two pills & had some beer this morning to alleviate the symptoms of what i guess may potentially be a hangover. i think i'm just exhausted. and probably malnutritioned. i haven't been able to eat these days, i think cuz of all the stress w/ my dad and moving out on my own and all that jazz. i get hungry, but when i do eat, i can't eat more than a few bites, so i stop. i think my body probably needs more food than a banana, 3 bites of a grilled cheese and 4 spoonfuls of a veggie rice bowl for an entire day's meal. ah, the limitations of the human body...and my dad's been on my case to take care of my health while i'm young. he's right.

so i went to see songs: ohia yesterday at schubas. a band called early day miners from bloomington, in opened up. i'd heard of them but not their music. i really liked them. their musical interludes (which often lasted a long time) kinda reminded me of the 6 parts 7 but then again it was a different sound, but it just felt really visual, which i thought the 6parts7 were like. i made the mistake of standing in the very center right in front of the stage, and i was just too close to take some of the angles i normally want. i usually try to get an entire band picture, but it was impossible at that close of a range. the bass player was smack in front of me, and i had to squirm and internalize his movements to time my shots of the drummer so that i could have at least a few shots of him.

songs: ohia or shall i just say jason molina since it's really just him. i really like his songwriting. and he sounded great just him & his guitar. there were times when the crowd was a bit talkative, which is hard when the you really want to listen carefully to the songs because it's not only musically beautifully but lyrically also poetically moving, which jason's songs tend to be. i would definitely see him live again. i have to admit in terms of shooting photos, it was hard taking a variety of pictures of just one person. i think i had more flexibility doing denison because he played w/ a band for a few of his songs, and i was also able to change my angle more freely than w/ jason. oh well. it's not just about the photos. it's about the music, and i'm glad i chose songs: ohia over beulah last nite. i mean, i really like beulah--they're fun to listen to and everything, but jason's songs mean more to me.

i'd never heard of marshmallow coast or of montreal (the headlining band). the latter was basically marshmallow coast w/ the addition of lead singer kevin barnes, who is basically a nut. it was a lot of fun to watch! great party music. not the type of songs i would listen to for relaxation, but the type i'd clean house to or play for a raucous party, which i hold like ALL the time. uh huh. musically, they were a smorgasborg, switching off instruments like costume changes. very high energy--i doubt any one was sleepy by the time the show ended at 1am. i know i wasn't.

alright, so that's the summary of my latest concert. working on the photos, but it's a nice day out, and i'm gonna get a move on so i can go see my dad. he's doing better, by the way. got all his humongo staples removed, but he can't use his morphine during the day which is causing him some pain, but he says it's bearable. connolly & olarn & i may do green mill tonight. i don't know if i'll take photos. i'm tired.

today's soundtrack so far: misc mp3s: sweet soul revue--pizzicato5, magic carpet ride--p5, this year's girl#2-p5, grace cathedral park - red house painters, golden-rhp, lord kill the pain - rhp, don't leave the light on baby-belle&sebastian, ease your feet in the sea-b&s, the rollercoaster ride-b&s, love&work-songs:ohia, untitled-blink182, wendy clear-blink182, all the small things-blink182, just like a woman-bob dylan, i shall be released-bob, visions of johanna-bob, deep blue day-brian eno, mexico-cake, let me go-cake, accident prone-jawbreaker; the curse of great beauty-clem snide, joan jett of arc-clem snide, something more besides you-cowboy junkies, tonight i will retire-damien jurado, crush-dave matthews band, coney island-death cab for cutie, you got me good-denison witmer, punk rock girl-diesel boy, needle in the hay-elliott smith, beyond belief-elvis costello, 25th december-everything but the girl, i don't understand anything - ebtg

yesterday's soundtrack:
didn't it rain - songs:ohia
decade cd1 - neil young
sleeping on roads - neil halstead
mp3s: the closest thing-the juliana theory; p.s. we'll call you when we get there-juliana theory; this is not a love song-juliana theory; denmark-the ocean blue; my best friend-tob; cukaloris-tob; been down lateley-tob; consolation prize-tob; do you still remember me-tob; it never, just might-tob; i-pizzicato 5; day is done-nick drake; river man-nick; time has told me-nick; harvest breed-nick; which will-nick; fly-nick; road-nick; place to be-nick; temptation-new order; true faith-new order; lonesome tonight-new order; farmhouse-phish; i don't sleep, i dream-r.e.m.; nightswimming-r.e.m.; belong-r.e.m; things mean a lot-red house painters; have you forgotten-rhp; this song-ron sexsmith; hold back the night-sinead oconnor; i dreamed i dream - sonic youth; i melt with you-modern english; the stars our desitiny-stereolab; ocean-sunny day real estate; my hotel years-the ataris; where do i begin-the chemical bros w/ beth orton; just like heaven-the cure; from the edge of the deep green sea - the cure; all tomorrow's parties - the velvet underground; venus in furs-the velvets; confessions of a futon revolutionist-the weakerthans; anchorless - the weakerthans; d.'s car jam/anxious MoFo-the minutemen; it was a good day-ice cube; really doe-ice cube

today was an absolutely gorgeous day. the sun was making up for lost time and it was WARM, even at night after the sun was long gone i could drive with my windows rolled down. and i wore my sports sandals today. man, i missed those sandals. nike may be the devil, but they make some damn fine sports sandals. i have to find the exact same pair somewhere before they stop making this style & just stock up on em. alas, the warm weather will be yesterday's memory come tomorrow according to weather.com. although the mid 50s are nothing to cry about here in chicago this early in spring. i mean, just last week there was snow on the ground. still, my feet are going to wonder what's with the socks tomorrow...

my dad's doing better. there's hope that he'll be able to come home sometime in the next couple weeks. i was so exhausted today at the hospital, i pretty much dozed the whole time. i didn't bother doing any reading or work on my laptop. it was probably good for my body to just sit there for awhile. it's really hard to believe that my dad is dying of terminal cancer. he's alert, he's moving around, he's gaining weight. it's still all kind of surreal, like a movie script gone bad. somebody alert the screenwriter that the plot twist is just not going to work out and they should change the ending.

i ran into an old friend today--matt dobschuetz, my first friend at the vineyard. i was glad to see him because i wanted him to hear what was going on in my life from my own mouth. as i drove home from that little encounter, my mind was flooded with memories back when i was just a kid in college and knew nothing about anything, and what fun we had back then. i think those were the times i developed a habit of chauffeuring people around. matt had a skateboard, and i had a car. sometimes i think back to those days. i remember fitting 6 foot 5 ben in the trunk of my hatchback. i remember telling david raes i had a crush on bruce and he said, "sarah, all i have to say is that in the summertime he wears pink socks with yellow shorts." i remember syler falling out of his bronco when i told him how old bruce was. i remember joe samuel introducing me to mahler's 5th symphony. i remember the coffeehouse where andrea mazzeo played flute w/ andy young the hammer dulcimer guy and then we had a dance party right after and it was finals week and i danced like crazy to reestablish my sanity. i remember the day yumi & i were mad at men & we went to the smoke shop & bought a pack of dunhills and i went to the 7-11 and bought a six pack of coors, drank it all, smoked an entire pack of virginia slims and threw up. i remember my first concert at the beat kitchen w/ lauren brombert & the urban nomad. i remember david bringing me bagels and granny smith apples from the oak street market. i remember the "living in oblivion" mix tape matt made me (i think i still have it). i remember matt ending his year of vegetarianism by diving into a pan of wings from buffalo joes. all these memories from a life that i lost track of. what do you do with these memories anyway? i can't take pictures of them now. i do miss that chunk of my early adulthood. i think that was the last time i was really happy. now these memories just leave a bittersweet taste in my mind and heart.

well, i think things are looking up though. i'm making new friends (well, one, but that's a start) and reconnecting with old ones. i think i'm processing stuff more internally now that i'm alone. i don't mind the solitude. i rather enjoy it. it's something new at least for now.

today's (and late last nite's) soundtrack:
after the gold rush - neil young
didn't it rain - songs: ohia
letting off the happiness - bright eyes
the boy with the arab strap - belle & sebastian
crash - dave matthews band
things shaped in passing - the six parts seven
thick as a brick - jethro tull
misc. velvet undergound songs (all tomorrow's parties, femme fatale, i'm waiting for the man, sunday morning, venus in furs, stephanie says, lady godiva's operation, pale blue eyes, some kinda love, candy says, beginning to see the light, that's the story of my life, sweet jane, lonesome cowboy bill, oh! sweet nuthin, ocean, satellite of love, ride into the sun)

today spring finally remembered chicago and landed in the windy city after 3 weeks of delay and failed approaches. in one moment of being greeted by sunshine and a gentle relatively warm breeze upon leaving work, i have declared that all is forgiven and spring is back in my graces. you see, i am not that difficult to please. one day of good weather will translate into at least hours of a pleasant sarah.

even sitting in the hospital room wasn't so bad once you were able to open a window and let some fresh spring air in. and my dad is doing better and doesn't look as pathetic as he has the past week. this has put both my mom and me in better spirits. nevertheless, i can't wait to get him out of there.

today my dad was in a good enough mood to even turn on the t.v. he dove right into catching up on his korean soaps, which i find amusing for a 63 year old pastor. having never watched the shows, i was totally lost and worked on organizing my concert photo shoots from last weekend. it was funny to watch my dad stare blankly at the source of the blue electric glow radiating towards his bed, and i literally watched his eyes glaze over. he all but ignored a telephone call from a friend in guam and kept his eyes still glued upwards at the black box protruding from the ceiling. well, if a korean show about a rich old man and his barmaid mistress makes my dad happy, then so be it.

i was adviced today by a wise young man that i need to get more sleep. i thought about this, and i think he's right because on the way to the hospital, i noticed that it was getting harder and harder to keep my eyes open and on the road or on the car in front of me. at first, i thought it was bob dylan singing desolation row that was lulling me into a state of semiconsciousness, but as i thought about it when i was more alert and clearheaded, i had to admit that maybe, just maybe, it is possible that there could be the chance that i potentially might need a little more sleep than i've been getting. it's been hard adjusting back to central time from pacific time...my body liked that time zone the best for some odd reason. so tonite i will aim for 5 hours of sleep. that's plenty, right?

today's soundtrack:
winners never quit - pedro the lion
highway 61 revisited - bob dylan
out of tune - mojave 3
a whole bunch of misc. songs including:
it never entered my mind – miles davis
shadows – red house painters
final solution – pere ubu
not dark yet – bob dylan
if i laugh – cat stevens
steadier footing—death cab for cutie
everybody knows—denison witmer
between the bars—elliott smith
i want you—elvis costello
last goodbye—jeff buckley
waiting for the miracle—leonard cohen
fly—nick drake
michael—red house painters
sunday morning comin’ down—shawn mullins
while my guitar gently weeps—the beatles
dreams—the cranberries
been down a lot lately—the ocean blue
marigold—the ocean blue
love song—the ocean blue
pretty girls make graves—the smiths