last night i dropped by my mom's house to pick up mail (and eat her food) when i ran across denison witmer's new record "philadelphia songs" which i had left on my brother's record player. i listened to the song 'do i really have to?' like at least 10 times...and i thought about my dad...and i asked the same question, 'do i really have to let you go?' it just amazes me that denison was able to take a few emails i'd sent him and write a song that so closely captures the emotions i was going through at the time. i can't listen to that song without being transported back to the middle of the night during those final days in the end of april and the very beginnings of may when i sat beside my dad's hospital bed and watched as he finally let go his grip on this world and slipped away.



it's funny how the heart attaches significance to people who were at all involved in earthshattering events in our lives. folks like denison, my pastor rand, steve nicholson (evanston vcf pastor), tim, caleb, among others--those who were there for me somehow during and immediately after my father's death, they will always be the ones i can share feelings associated w/ that event that i can't share with most other folks. it's been hard lately to connect to those emotions, and it's not like i'm going to go digging them up. but when situations arise (like listening to denison's song last night) that give me the opportunity to reconnect to that part of myself where the pain & the confusion & the anger still lie...where i can touch the beauty of the grief that comes from having loved and been loved so intensely...where i can come face to face with the still fresh and tender scars...when such situations arise, i seize the opportunity because even though it's painful, it's the kind of pain that lets you know you're alive and human, and that's a beautiful thing...



been listening to:

philadelphia songs--denison witmer (cd will be coming out 9/24; lp is out now. get his stuff on www.burnttoastvinyl.com)

summerteeth--wilco

being there--wilco

straighaways--son volt

s/t--holiday runner

amelia's boot--erik brandt & the urban hillbilly quartet

via satellite--ian moore action company

ian moore's got the green grass--ian moore

blister soul--vigilantes of love

odd side of the street--mike merz and can of worms

bourbonitis blues--alejandro escovedo

love & theft--bob dylan

the ghost of tom joad--bruce springsteen (i love this album...the boss is so totally rawk!)

the rising--bruce springsteen

...ok. i realize that i was just in milwaukee as recently as sunday morning...but that was the result of a last minute spur of the moment megan-induced decision to go see ian moore in concert...i had actually made plans to go to milwaukee to see my friend mikey bales of UHQ way back like a couple days before that. so monday i went up to milwaukee, aGAIN, so i could hang out with mikey. i had never spent any real time in milwaukee, so he was going to show me around since he was pretty much a native. the drive up there wasn't bad at all. it only took me an hour from lake forest. i think i got lucky because it was monday traffic. after spending a little time w/ mikey's parents & his sister sara at an outdoor concert, mikey & i headed towards downtown by the river. we parked across the street from this elaborate structure called the Pabst Theater, which i found hilarious that such a fancy looking building would be named after the old blue ribbon brew. there was no doubt about it. i was in wisconsin.

...actually, i really love the architecture in milwaukee, especially the old buildings. and we had just made it for the hour of the gloaming...the massive tall stone structures were all beaming golden in the light of the early summer evening sun's descent. the weather was so perfect for a july evening in the midwest. it was the type of weather that just made you giddy and high. the light was so beautiful...

...mikey & i walked along the river...i think it was the milwaukee river? kinda like how the chicago river runs through chicago's downtown, ya know? well, milwaukee did a great job w/ its riverfront.

/p>... if you lived in chicago during the past several years, you would be familiar with the sculptures of cows that were on display all over the downtown area. well, milwaukee has these things called 'beasties.' they actually do look like beasts of burden, and they were all over the downtown area by the riverwalk. we found this one that was playing the accordion, and i named it 'erik' after erik brandt, the ringleader of UHQ who plays the accordion. if you don't believe me, look at this picture:

...uncanny, isn't it? anyways, there were a bunch of other beasties but i'm not going to post all of their pictures here because i just don't have the room.

...mikey was so much fun to hang out with. and he was great for taking photos because he wasn't shy at all about posing. that makes a photographer so happy cuz it's no fun just taking pictures of buildings and objects; sometimes you want your buddy in the picture so you remember who you were with when you had that nikon moment. overall, downtown milwaukee and the riverwalk were much better than i had imagined they would be. and i know i said this before, but the weather just made everything that much better because it was so darn pleasant.

ok, so we had dinner at a place called beans and barley which had like, you know, healthy food. it wasn't totally vegetarian, but they definitely had the options. i had me a tofu burger, which may sound unappetizing to the average person, but you have to realize how far tofu technology has come over the years. i love that stuff. and it's good for you too. anyways, over dinner, mikey had the privilege of finding out what a wacked out life i've had...especially the last 12 months or so of it. it's always really hard to tell folks who don't know me too well or haven't known me too long what i've been going through. i think i'm getting better at it though, the more often i tell my "story." mikey was very understanding and a great listener. he didn't make me feel like a loser at all.

...after dinner, we drove by the lakefront and sat on the beach and watched the stars and sang american folk songs and songs from the soundtrack of o brother where art thou. mikey's so nice...he doesn't complain about my singing like most other folks would if i were singing in front of them ..the weather was actually a little chilly for a summer night, but it was still lovely to be able to sit at the water's edge of such a magnificent body of water like lake michigan. i need more nights like this one...it was just so perfectly beautiful!

oh, one interesting side note: for those of you who are UHQ fans, i have had the privilege of listening to the original original 'amelia's boot' tape!!! mikey had a copy of the first UHQ recording which happens to have the same name as their most recent album. you may have heard rumors (which erik brandt would neither confirm or deny) of the existence of such a recording, and i'm here to tell you that it's true! it's all true! it was a definite thrill to hear the early (EARLY) version of UHQ. they've, uhm, come a long way, you might say. actually, there were some songs on there that i think should go on a future album, but that's just me. whadda i know, eh?

so saturday morning, megan and i had breakfast w/ tim & his boys. i was really really wanting to go to milwaukee that night to see ian moore in concert again. so meg & i decide to do it. we got to the venue around 8:30pm and had dinner. it was the best bar food i've ever had. if you're ever in milwaukee, i strongly recommend going to the social bar and grill located near downtown at 434 s. 2nd avenue or street or whatever. i had the sweet & spicy curried veggies over saffron rice. it was to die for. especially since i thought i would be getting a grilled cheese sandwich, one of the few vegetarian options that most bar kitchens can accomodate. oh, the picture is of the ladies room. i liked the decor. i have this thing about taking pictures of ladies rooms. don't ask...i do things i don't understand all the time...



megan & i went up to see ian before the show. he was so surprised i came up from chicago and was actually just about to send me an email right when i entered the room he was hanging out at. chris, ian's tour manager & backup instrumentalist, came up and hung out w/ us too. it was great to spend some time w/ ian. megan and i got to request that he do one of my favorite songs off 'via satellite' ian's live album called wash away my troubles which is a sam cooke cover. that song totally makes me cry. the show was totally awesome--it was such a small venue (i LOVE the small venue!!!), and i pretty much stood right in front of the tiny stage so i could take some pictures. i swear, it was like being in heaven seeing & hearing ian perform live again...anybody who's talked to me since i discovered ian's music last wednesday night knows i'm not exaggerating when i say that...his music literally transports me through the roof high up above the natural plane we call earth, and i can literally feel my soul soar with the butterflies and fairies and angels who make that realm their playground. i wonder if i'll ever run into my dad up there...man, that must be another reason i love ian's music...it takes me to a place where i feel i have a better chance of being closer to my dad...ok. getting choked up...crimeny...



mikey bales & his friend tim came out to the show since mikey's been staying w/ his folks in milwaukee. i'd been raving to mikey about ian, so he was glad he could check out the music for himself. it was so glad to see mikey again...megan was so glad to see him too; she hadn't seen him since c-stone. i'm going to go see mikey on monday and hang out in milwaukee, his old stomping grounds, since i've never spent any time up there. ok. back to the show. yeah, it was totally awesome. i think the social may have very well run out of rum by the end of the night though because ian & chris were drinking mojitos all night, and after ian told the audience about how good they were, half the bar ordered mojitos. everytime i went up to the bar to get another one for chris or ian, the bartendress was making one for someone else. at the end of the evening, when i went up to close the tab, she thought i wanted another mojito and told me she needed to get more rum; they'd run out. ian totatlly should've gotten a cut of those sales.



after the show, megan and i hung out w/ chris & ian just being goofy & talking. we had absolute no liquor on us except what was already in our blood stream so we were pretty sober. i know i totally was. chris...well, i don't know...he had a lot of mojitos...but his blood seems pretty thick, so who know. chris actually ended up being a real sweetie. he & i are both into photography & we both have the entire pedro the lion and death cab for cutie collection on our computers. i thought that was uncanny. i didn't think he'd be an emo guy. well, he's not, really...he likes a lot of other funky stuff too. we had fun taking pictures--i can't wait to see the ones he took w/ what he calls his cheap digital lomo, which is just a cheap low pixel digital camera that he got for free from his ISP. he'd do this thing where he'd throw it up in the air to see what picture would come out.



so as megan & i were leaving, chris was nice enough to give us a parting gift, a consolation prize i guess. he gave me his rubber stress chicken. the chicken's body actually is a stress ball that you can squeeze to alleviate stress i suppose. he gave it to me on grounds that i had to send him pictures of it in weird places. i'm not even going to tell you how many pictures i've taken of that chicken already. i take my assignments seriously. alright, that's it for now...more later...



p.s. megan & i are definitely going to seattle for the bumbershoot festival labor day weekend! i'm gonna get to see wilco after all! not to mention all the beautiful seattlelites i miss so much and love so well...if only denison could get out of the studio to join us, that would be perfect!



stuff i've been playing on the cd player:

via satellite--ian moore (this is the live cd that is electric and kicks ass from here to timbuktu; it's frickin' awesome!)

ian moore's got the green grass--ian moore (take THAT, capricorn! this album is beautifully eclectic.)

keep it like a secret--built to spill

summerteeth--wilco

i break chairs--damien jurado & gathered in song

bourbonitis blues--alejandro escovedo

a man under the influence--alejandro escovedo

s/t--holiday runner

cover story

alright. so i got in a little while ago, and i did something out of the ordinary for friday nite's activity. i didn't go to schubas or the abbey pub or to the metro or the empty bottle or the hideout or fitzgeralds or uncommon ground or even the hidden cove. i went to joe's sports bar on weed street. it was a night out w/ my posse from high school, connolly & olarn. connolly planned the evening for us, and one of his favorite cover bands, catfight, was playing there. yeah, that's right, i said a cover band.



i gotta say, i was pretty amazed that so many people paid $8 to see a couple cover bands. i mean, there had to have been over 500 people in the room we were in. it was pretty crazy. the opening band, catfight, was an all girl band. it was like being at a professional karaoke contest. everybody loves singing along w/ a cover band. and these girls had that spice girls thing going on, with the tight outfits that show off the midriff and the platform sandals. i guess if you let a couple guys make the decision on what to do for a friday night, you take the risk of seeing an all-girl cover band.



well, they opened up for this other band called the aphrodisiacs or something like that. they were a disco cover band. yes, i'm telling the truth. it was fun just to watch. it was downright raunchy at times. these guys gyrating on stage just inches from your face--that's NOT where i wanted to be, but it happened. there were a couple times that i just wanted to hide behind connolly. i happened to be taking photos, and the lead singer decided to pick on me.



so if you love disco, and you enjoy male hip thrusting inches from your face and you don't mind being almost sexually assaulted, this is totally your band. fortunately, connolly wasn't set on seeing the whole show, and he took me home a little earlier so i wouldn't have to deal with the band.



even though i wouldn't get all excited over visiting a couple of cover bands. still...every now and then, you want to feel the music in your heart. actually, for me, i ALWAYS want to feel the music in my heart...



what i listened to today:

via satellite--ian moore (AN AWESOME ALBUM!!)

ian moore's got the green grass--ian moore (ANOTHER AWESOME ALBUM)

grace--jeff buckley

never mind the bullocks...--the sex pistols

the places you have come to fear the most--dashboard confessional

well, so the story continues...i went to a show wednesday night at schubas for a dude named ian moore. it was kind of a spur of the moment thing because the band playing at the fireside where i went for an early show was having too many technical difficulties (uhm, you could smell something burning...), and it was a death metal band to begin with (i didn't really choose this band; just kind of went to check out the fireside cuz i'll be shooting some shows there soon), so i left and went over to schubas instead. it ended up being an excellent and serendipitous choice.



first of all, the opening act, port eleki (kevin & anthony of the band 41 rivers), played some really pretty music. the whole show was entirely acoustic, and these guys were basically 2 guys & their acoustic guitars and their voices. kind of reminded me of the kings of convenience (who are coming to martyr's by the way on 8/9). they told me they basically put this outfit together in two weeks, so they didn't have any cds or anything. they're not as polished as the kings of convenience, of course, after only 2 weeks of existence in this form, but they're definitely worth checking out if you're into the 2 guitar-2 voice thing.



as soon as ian moore started playing his guitar, i was hooked. then when he started singing, i was a goner. i am such the sucker for the acoustic guitar dude w/ the incredible voice thing. ian would also tell these stories in between songs about austin, where he'd lived for years and years before recently moving to vashon island in seattle, and one of them was the exact same story that alan (alejandro's guitar player) had told me, the one about how embarrassing it was that austin has this big sign outside the city limits that proclaims austin as the live music capital of the world. ian also mentioned how much he was in awe of neil halstead (of slowdive and mojave3) and he did a cover of mojave3's "yer feet" which is a totally gorgeous song (as are all neil's songs) and ian did an incredibly lovely rendition of it. now ian can't sing like neil cuz he has too soulfully strong of a voice (more like jeff buckley w/ all the crazy trills & falsettos & what have ya), and frankly i think ian's a better singer than neil. so in between sets, i went up to ian and introduced myself. i told him i thought it was funny he was so in awe of neil cuz i thought he was a stronger performer. ian was flattered but of course begged to differ, and we came to an agreement that neil had a whole different thing going that was just really quietly beautiful that most people just couldn't touch. i then mentioned i was amused by all his austin stories cuz i'd been hanging out last weekend w/ a band from austin, and he's like which one, and i told him alejandro, and he starts laughing & says he was al's first fan when he moved to austin. he's known and worked w/ all the band members for years. i told him one of them had told me that same story about the sign outside austin, and he's like who told you? and i said alan durham, and he laughs and says HE told alan that story. he asked about all the band members, and i named off who was touring, and he knew them all really well, except for the drummer who's totally new. i guess alan fixes his amps and made the pedal board for his guitars and stuff. alan is quite the guitar gear whiz in austin apparently (alan's worked as charlie sexton's guitar tech).



so i bought ian a shot of whiskey & we talked about alejandro's gigs in chicago and about the biz, and it turns out he used to be on the capricorn label the same time bill & VoL were, so he knows bill. ian got totally screwed by capricorn too and one of his cd's liner notes details that account. ian's totally a great guy & an extremely talented songwriter with a voice and guitar that'll blow your heart away.



i have been listening to ian's live cd 'via satellite' all evening long and i am totally loving it. he plays one frickin' mean electric guitar. it's funny cuz wednesday's show was totally acoustic and this album is TOTALLY electric. TOTALLY. nothing acoustic about this album, believe me. he does these interesting covers, including depeche mode's personal jesus and this beautiful one of sam cooke's wash away my troubles. man that one makes me totally wanna get on my knees and cry...seriously...i'm listening to it right now, and i'm still sitting on my bum, but the tears are starting...'jesus wash away my troubles while i'm traveling here below, for i, i have enemies, you know...jesus take me on to glory, lord, when, when, when i die, for i know there's consolation, lord and it's coming on by and by, yes it is, yes it is, you know sometimes i feel like a motherless child, i'm a long, i'm a long way from home, you know sometimes i feel like a rolling stone, i'm a long, i'm a long way from home, jesus, take me on to glory, for it's so hard to bear, and i know there's consolation, lord, as long as i know you are there, yes it is, yes it is.' that's kinda how i'm feeling, ya know...



ian & the opening act, port eleki, did the encore together and did a cover of a song by neutral milk hotel which was so absolutely gorgeous that i am going to go out and buy the album. i listened to some sound bytes on cdnow.com, and the actual original sounds really lo-fi compared to the ian moore-port eleki rendition. man, when they sang "i love you jesus christ jesus christ i love you yes i do" it just sounded so shimmeringly beautiful i almost broke down right then and there. it's for times like that i'm getting me a mini disc player. photos don't do sound justice.



listening to ian's cd has left my heart just brimming over w/ thick marmalade emotions...i'm feeling the heaviness of it all...i've been so busy running around like crazy that it's been hard to stop and to reflect and to live deliberately...i was actually talking with my friend mikey just a little while ago about being able to rest, even if it's for just 5 minutes, under any circumstances. this cd is perfect for putting me in a reflective mode. i think i'm gonna hit the play button again...



side note--meg & i have decided to go to seattle labor day weekend because we found out there's an arts fest going on that weekend w/ TONS of kick-ass music!! it's the annual bumbershoot festival, and i'm talking wilco. i'm talking buddy & julie miller. i'm talking 764-hero. i'm talking damien jurado & gathered in song. i'm talking ani difranco. death cab for cutie, modest mouse, sonic youth, jonatha brooke, lou reed, the shins, and like a whole lot more...



what i've been listening to:

via satellite--ian moore (no, really, that's all i've listened to tonight)