they say that if you keep god's name on your lips at all times, if you just keep praying 'lord jesus christ have mercy on me' over and over again, then you will eventually learn the way of the pilgrim, then you will experience the holy of holies, then you will see god...you don't even need to believe, they say...just do it, and you will see, they say...it's so simple, they say...



and franny, dear girl, you don't know what you believe, if anything at all...you are surrounded by egos and mediocrity and affectations and pampered lives of the rich and intellectual...and it is your own ego that eats away at you...for this life is not worth living if you can't leave behind something beautiful...but to give beauty, you must experience beauty, and what can be more beautiful than seeing god? and so your lips move silently, feverishly, constantly...your lack of belief fuels your intensity...and i hope that you do see god because that means i too have a chance...

(a note from me to franny glass of 'franny and zooey' by jd salinger)



jd salinger rocks my world...



ok. if you think it's weird to write notes to fictional characters, then i guess i'm weird in your book...in MY book, which this is, kinda, i think it's perfectly normal...for some reason, fictional characters are more real to me sometimes than flesh&blood real live people...



i took the train to work today...it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be...i can walk approximately 1 little city block (street) in one sprint pcs minute...that means that it takes approximately 12 minutes to walk to the train from my apartment...i think i'll have to do this more often...esp. when those cubs games are home games...



rt is picking me up this afternoon...he gets to see my crazy office...then we're doing our suburban excursion #2 (#1 occurred on 01/29), this time to his old drum teacher's music school in roselle, then to caputo's market where rt insists we'll fill up 2 grocery carts for $60, and then to cobra kai where rt used to learn kung fu...



back to lunch...

a while back, when my friend ryan beatty of serene first encountered my cd collection, he told me, 'sarah, don't buy any more cds...just listen to the ones you already have...' and he's totally right...today on the way to work i popped in a cd i bought at least 3 weeks ago...it was the pixies' 'trompe le monde'...like whoah...i'm glad i took pierre's advice to get my hands on some pixies...i think i'm gonna have to give that album a few more listens to appreciate it the way it deserves...another example to support ryan's remark is the photo album by death cab for cutie...like how beautiful is that album??? it's been MONTHS since i listened to it....from the first tenuous bars of steadier footing and on to the rest of the album...i vascillate between wanting to cry to wanting to waltz...and there are so many albums that i know i'll have the same reaction to if i just get around to playing them again...



in addition to listening to the pixies on my way to work, which involved stop and go traffic by the way, i got so damn sleepy i started dreaming outloud...my eyes were open, i was staying in my lane, but the words coming out of my mouth were pure rubbish...really loud rubbish so as to keep my senses alert...it was like yesterday, i was so exhausted and rt caught me dozing off, and he said something to me and i responded with what sounded like a drunken slur...what i actually said was 'mexican cheese' which made no sense, and when i had realized what i'd just said, i couldn't help giggling...yes, that's how tired i was...i was slapphappy...



and no wonder, considering how rt put me to work at hard manual labor last night...we bottled our homebrew yesterday...that involved sterilizing around 5 dozen beer bottles...then transferring the brew from the carboy (the gigantic 5 gallon glass jug in which the brew was brewing) to a sterilized pail...then siphoning the brew into the 5 dozen beer bottles one at a time...and because of the way things were positioned and the way siphons work, all this had to be done on the floor...at first, rt wanted to put the brew in the bottles and he wanted me to seal the bottlecaps on...it sounded fun at first, but when i tried my first one, the awkwardness of having to kneel on the floor combined with my general state of exhaustion made the job sound more punitive than rt had intended...today on the phone he told me that he noticed my usual sense of humor and patience waning about this time...his assessment of the situation is quite accurate...i was pissed...i basically told him there was no way i was putting those bottlecaps on them bottles...without skipping a beat (quite suitable for a drummer) or blinking an eye or whatever, he changed the plans to "ok, i'll put the caps on, you put the brew in the bottles..." and that worked just fine...we got 54 bottles out of that batch of beer...we'll see how it turns out...they should be ready for consumption in the next 2 weeks...i'm gonna make rt drink the first bottle and then wait a day to see the results...if he's still alive, then i'll have a sip.



in between sterilizing and bottling, we went out to celebrate cinco de mayo by going to chicago ave for some mexican food...rt had a margarita and i had a pina colada...the waitress giggled as she asked me if i wanted alcohol in my drink, as if i were underage or something, and i'm like, 'well, yeah, it's cinco de mayo...' and she just laughed again...i think it was because i was wearing my red dressy bessy t shirt...rt told me i look like i'm 15 in that shirt...i'm gonna keep that shirt for the rest of my LIFE...i think i'll appreciate it more when i'm 64...



today, i'm doing laundry...it's long overdue...yes, rt's working & i'm doing laundry damn it! i'm out of...well....you know....



lately, i've been obsessing over monitoring traffic...ever since i discovered this website. i mean, look at this...when you hate sitting in traffic as much as i do, how could you NOT obsess over this site??? i've been known to start monitoring travel times starting 1pm here at work...especially when there's a cubs game...like tonight damn it...

so remember that cheese & tomato macaroni bake rt & i made last week that was so yummy? well, i was signed up to cook a meal yesterday for my friends pete & amy who just had a baby elliot last week, and i thought since that dish came out so good, i'd try it again...well, except this time, rt had to work during the day so there i was in the kitchen all by my lonesome...something i just wasn't used to any more...i didn't take a picture, but you can take my word for it that by the time i was done, it looked like a bunch of monkeys had thrown a party in my kitchen...but i think the casserole came out good, although i haven't heard from pete & amy...i hope i didn't food poison them or anything...



note: just because you own a pizza stone doesn't mean you're gonna make a great pizza...case in point--last night rt decides to try out his new pizza stone...except we don't know how to transfer the pizza from where we made it to the actual pizza stone, which we'd been warming in the oven...after some profuse use of profanity on the male part of this equation, we pushed and shoved until we got the damn pizza on the stone...it looked like big foot's footprint by the time we were done with it...tonight, armed with seasoned wisdom in the art of pizza baking, rt & i are gonna make a much better pizza. i'll take a picture of this one...



oh...on saturday i went to that poetry slam for peace thing @ aion teahouse again...this time i posted the photos...i also discovered a new setting on my camera that makes it easier to take photos in low light situations...i've been missing out is all i've got to say...



been listening to--

greatest hits--sly & the family stone

potty mouth--bratmobile

my favorite things--john coltrane

one beat--sleater-kinney

well, this past weekend had a lot to do w/ remembering my dad...my mom & i went to lunch saturday, which was the actual anniversary of his death, and then we went to the cemetary...i brought a bunch of daisies, the flower that my dad told me reminded him of me...my brother jim joined us at the gravesite later on...rt called me while my mom and i were laying out the flowers...while we were talking, i told him that my mom was looking like jackie o. with a scarf and sunglasses so i took this picture of her...she's a cutie, yeah...



sunday afternoon, my mom's korean church held a memorial service for my dad...it's something koreans do...commemorating someone's death...i'm not too into it myself...but there were so many people who wanted to remember my dad, and they put this service together...i was pretty emotionless the whole weekend...it wasn't until the service when i thought about all the people who missed my dad so much that i got all teary-eyed and wondered why it was that my dad had to go so soon...they played a tape of a portion of the last sermon he preached...it was fittingly about self-sacrifice... one of the computer dudes in my mom's church took all the photos i'd put together of my dad last year for the funeral into a slide show, and they showed the slides during the sermon...it was weird seeing photos of my dad from the time he was just a teenager...to when he was my age...to when he was middle aged...to his last days in the hospital...all the while his voice, still strong and clear as a bell playing in the foreground...my dad sure knew how to preach...i couldn't really understand everything he was saying, but you could hear the intensity of his emotions, the unshakeability of his faith, and his unwavering vision for the future loud and clear in his voice...i miss his voice...i miss how he would sing to me when i was a little girl...or how he would play guitar (very poorly) and sing at home...i miss the pure delight he would express whenever i would come visit him, whether it was before he got sick or after...with my dad, i always knew i had arms to run to and be safe...



and now? whose arms can i run to now?

went and saw the watchers 'to the rooftops' cd release party last night...it was kick ass like i knew it would be...sound was great...the new songs were cool...there's one where ethan does this digadigadigadiga thing w/ his guitar that i really like...



the eternals were totally awesome too..caught a little bit of the apes but missed the opening opening band cuz rt & i were having dessert @ uncommon ground...that was kickass too...it was fun shooting photos @ the metro again...it helps to have a media pass, which michael got for me... and the photo pit was in place for this show...oh...click here for the photos...



ok...gotta run to an anti-war poetry slam...



been listening to--

out of tune--mojave 3

daydream nation--sonic youth

blonde on blonde--bob dylan



oh...ticklepenny corner are playing w/ the lost dogs @ the garden lounge this coming saturday the 10th...i think my mom wants to go to that show! yikes!



oh#2...i think 'to the rooftops' is a great name for a cd...i can't wait for the summer when rt & i take to the rooftops for all kinds of activities involving grills and relaxing!